This year’s entry, which I would rank somewhere close to the middle of the “Extremely Questionable Choices Made By Professional Pornographers” list is brought you from “Naughty Little Nymphos #15”, which makes volumes 1-14 of Naughty Little Nymphos look like Cum Dumpsters #7 met Rectal Rooter #6.
We open on Jacqueline Summers taking a shower in the bathroom while terrible, terrible porno music plays. Honestly, one of the (very) few good things about the 21st century is eventually people convinced pornographers to stop playing shitty fucking music during their porn. The shower is proceeding in accordance with prophecy until Jeremy Steele enters, glances at her through the translucent glass shower door, drops trou, sits down on the toilet, and starts aggressively grunting while he pretends to take an uncomfortable shit.
Pro tip: unless you’re actually making a scat film, leave shitting out of your porn.
Jacqueline notices and freaks out, but Jeremy explains that he’s “a friend of her dad’s” who told him he could use the toilet.
Jeremy begins to masturbate while sticking his tongue out and looking around the corner at her, and we get this exchange.
Jacqueline: “Oh my god, are you really doing what I think you’re doing? Get out!”
Jeremy: “Hey, you know, whenever I take a shit it kind’ve arouses me, I have to fucking beat one off.”
Sorry, but what in the actual fuck? Who the fuck gets aroused by taking a shit, and why the fuck would you put that line into a porno that won’t delve into that actual fetish?
Jacqueline, displaying uncommon good sense, mutters “What a fucking weirdo!” but a moment later Jeremy switches positions and begins frenetically masturbating while staring at her. She quickly changes her tune and starts flicking her bean. They simultaneously masturbate while the mind-numbingly terrible porno music hits its stride.
Then Jacqueline rubs her breasts on the inside of the glass shower door, while Jeremy licks the corresponding glass on the other side. Jeremy begins dry-humping the glass while Jacqueline licks the inside of the shower door where his cock is rubbing. It’s one of the least erotic things I’ve ever seen, and someone tricked me into watching 2 Girls 1 Cup.
That’s about it. Eventually they realize having a solid glass door between them does not make for great sex. She sucks his dick, he sodomizes her on the bathroom floor, the porno music changes to slightly less shitty porno music, they both have their heads way too close to the open toilet, and he bricks all over her face.
Jacqueline: “Now can you get out of here?”
Jeremy: “OK.”
Who said romance was dead?
(Update 10/20/22): I’ve discovered that at least two other pornos were filmed in this same bathroom – Sunnie Daye and Damien Michaels in Sorority Sista’s 2 (below) and Alana Evans in Gag Factor.
