This scene comes to us courtesy of M.I.L.T.F. #10 (aka Mothers I’d Like To Fuck 10). Apparently 2004 was just before the porn industry realized that the “to” wasn’t doing a lot in the acronym and “MILF” was a lot easier to say.

We open with Julie Mandrews and Jimmy Blaze sitting on the edge – okay, hang out. Julie Mandrews? I get that yeah, she looks a bit like Julie Andrews, but who the fuck thought amending that to MANdrews would make a great porn name? For a second I was was worried Julie was transgender and it was a horrifically distasteful wordplay based on that, but nope, it’s just poorly thought out.

Anyway. Julie and Jimmy are on the edge of a bed while Gia Paloma and Heather Gables, who apparently were just hanging around set that day and fancied a singing cameo, sit next to them on the floor. Also, there’s an unidentified guy sitting next to Jimmy on the bed.

Julie is…leading them all in song:

Julie: “Do, a deer, a female deer.”
Gia: [You can clearly see she’s mouthing out “Re, a drop of golden sun”, but the audio to her line is muted for some reason. Maybe she dropped in a slur and they decided to just mute the line?]
Jimmy: “Mi, a name, I call myself.”
Heather: “Fa, a long long way to run.”
Unidentified Dude: “So, a needle pulling thread.”
Gia: “La, a note to follow so.”
Jimmy: “Ti, a drink with jam and bread.”
All: “Which brings us back to do re mi fa so la ti do.”

Julie Mandrews dismisses everyone except for Jimmy and tells him that she thinks he has “quite the career” ahead of him because he’s a “great singer” and “definitely one of the best.” Which is…a little bit funny. None of these five porn actors can sing, not even a little bit, but if I had to rank them, Jimmy would be dead last.

I always appreciate the delicate transition from a somewhat believable scene between two characters and the crossing the Rubicon into them fucking each other, and I also like it when it’s not delicate at all.

Julie: “Well…I guess if you’re one of my favorite students…why not.”

And then they fuck.

I think I’ve been pretty clear on my stance, but it bears repeating: if you’re going to have an impressively stupid build-up to the sex, commit to the fucking bit. Like, have Julie make Jimmy sing “Do re mi fa sol la ti do” in time with each of his strokes. Have fun with it!

But nope. They fuck without speaking while generic royalty-free music plays, except when Julie queefs several times, very loudly, near the end. Then things end the way they normally do.

Kissing: Yes