We open on Dahlia Sky, Adam Wood, Tara Holiday, and “Unknown Male 682461” – as credited on IAFD – sitting around a generic dinner table while Dane Cross (who we’ve seen before, repeat offender) vocalizes off-screen. It should be noted that throughout this intro we have very cheerful, peppy, It’s-Always-Sunny-In-Philadelphia-style music playing.
Tara: “He’s so enthusiastic!”
Adam: “Yeah, maybe he should take up accounting or law.”
Dane takes a pizza out of the oven and says he needs to prepare it the “big sausage way” and turns his back to the group at the table, then starts jumping up and down like an idiot.
Tara: “What is he doing over there?”
Dahlia: “It’s okay…that’s just how he gets the pizza done.”
Unknown Male 682461: “Hey, come on with the pizza, I’m hungry!”
Dahlia: “He’s gotta make every pizza perfect, grandpa.”
Now, you might be thinking to yourself: we have a hot teen, a MILF, a grandpa, an ugly dude, and a pizza boy, that’s an awfully diverse crowd for the start of a pornography scene, how are they going to undo this knot? Let’s find out:
Dane comes strolling around the corner and says, “Here you go, I hope you like it big sausage style!” and we get…reactions. In a way, we almost kinda get the 4 stages of acceptance.
- Resistance
- Resignation
- Acceptance
- Embracing (the sweet release of death)
You know, I think this is the first spit take I’ve ever seen in porn…and that seems like a glaring opportunity. (I also think this is also the first heart attack I’ve seen in porn, although that does seem like slightly less of an opportunity.)
Tara and Adam scoop up Unknown Male 682461, freaking the fuck out, shouting about how they’ll take him to the ER, etc. Adam has a parting shot:
Adam: “Nice choice of boyfriends, Bailey! Gave your grandfather a heart attack!”
Now, you’d think that Dahlia would be upset about her boyfriend flashing her parents and grandfather and giving the latter another heart attack, but she kinda just takes things in stride in this very smooth transition:
Dane: “Does that mean lunch is over?”
Dahlia: “Well, that’s one sausage I’m not gonna let go to waste.”
Dahlia starts putting the lipstick on the dipstick, but mid-beej we get this exchange:
Dane: “You’re sure your mother doesn’t want any?”
Dahlia: “No, she’s fine.”
Dane: “….damn.”
Dane’s timing on the “damn” is absolutely perfect, and his inflection is even better: crestfallen. It’s so good that Dahlia has to take the cock out of her mouth to laugh.
Anyway. That’s about it for this one. I find I can’t stop thinking about the spit-take. I ran a quick search but didn’t find anything. If you know of spit-takes in porn, email me: stupidpornplots@gmail.com.
But as Rule 35 states; if it doesn’t exist, we must create it. I’ve put together this quick scene which can be used at the end of any MFF scene. Or MMF. Technically, MF or MM as well, if you’re adaptable. Porn industry: you can have this one for free. No credit needed, just send me the link.
THE SPIT TAKE
The Male Talent EJACULATES into Female Talent #1’s mouth. Female Talent #1 does NOT swallow.
FEMALE TALENT #2
You’re amazing at deep-throating. I wish I could do it as well as you.
FEMALE TALENT #1
smiles
FT #2 takes the cock in her hand, FT #1 should be close to her.
FEMALE TALENT #2
You know what Cinderella said when she got to the ball?
FT #1 shakes her head no. FT #2 deep-throats the male talent’s penis, making a loud gagging sound. FT #1 spit-takes the cum into FT’s #2’s face.