There’s an awful lot of porn that’s…shall we say, a little out there. And then there’s shit like this, which just…defies belief. Admittedly, it’s not that much crazier than the central conceit of Deep Throat (where Linda Lovelace’s clitoris was located at the back of her throat, presumably where her uvula was, which meant she could only climax by deep-throating a penis, which I have to question the logic on a number of different levels, but let’s leave that for another review. I really should review Deep Throat one of these days). [Update 7/11/22: Nailed it]

We open on Tanner Mayes sitting in a medical examination room. Eric Swiss enters and asks what the problem is. Tanner explains she hasn’t started her period. Eric asks “This month?” Tanner says she’s never had a period. Eric points out that she’s 19 years old, and that’s very weird.

Eric: “Well, let’s go ahead and take a look. Not that unusual.”

I mean…you just implied this was very unusual, but okay. Maybe beside manner?

So Eric pulls up her gown and starts to examine her naughty bits (although we can’t see what he’s doing).

Eric: “This is most unusual.”
Tanner: “What is it, what do you see down there?”
Eric: “That’s just it, Tanner. I don’t see anything.”
Tanner: “What do you mean, you don’t see anything?”
Eric: “Well Tanner, I see your urethra, that’s clearly right there, that’s where you pee out of, correct?”

A sizable number of people watching this porno / reading this review just learned that girls don’t pee out of their vaginas.

Tanner: “Yeah, I pee…I…pee comes out of there somewhere.”
Eric: “Yeah, but you don’t have labia, you don’t have labia, you don’t have a clitoris, there’s nothing down here. Tanner…you don’t have a vagina.”

I should probably note that sinister music has been playing beneath this examination, and on that reveal there is a DRAMATIC SERIES OF CHORDS as we smash cut to a close-up of Tanner’s face.

Tanner says she needs answers, so the doc says he’ll need to examine her. Eric takes her robe off and starts examining her, then listens to her lungs (for some reason). Then he spots something on the back of her neck and starts parting her hair.

We get a close-up shot of him spreading vaginal lips between hair, and I think they basically draped a wig over Tanner’s vagina (or a stunt vagina) to get the close-up shot, and then they don’t actually show anything in the wider shot.

More dramatic music.

Eric says “Tell me if you can feel this,” licks his fingers, and starts gently massaging the neck-vagina. On the one hand, MASSIVELY inappropriate, on the other hand, he’s clearly a man of science and wants to know more about this neck-vagina. Who wouldn’t? Tanner, needless to say, immediately starts moaning.

The only video you can find of this scene is garbage quality, but they do show some wider shots with something on the back of her neck. I was able to find some decent quality promotional stills from the scene. It appears they cut the front off a pocket pussy and then taped it to the back of her neck for the wide shots.

He eats out and finger-fucks the neck-vagina for a bit, and then:

Eric: “Tanner, I’d like to try out a little experiment.
Tanner: “What kind of experiment?
Eric: “Well, I’d like to know if your neck vagina can take a penis.”

Tanner is interested and jumps right up.

Eric: “I’m going to need a little stimulation to get started.”
Tanner: “Okay, now it’s my turn to play doctor.”

I was hoping she would immediately start checking him over to see if he had a dick in an unusual location, but instead, she starts blowing him. I think Tanner has some weird ideas about what doctors do. Then again, she made it to 19 without realizing she didn’t have a vagina, so she might not be the sharpest crayon in the box.

Eventually Tanner tells him to put his cock in her pussy, and they get down to business.

Have to say; out of all the positions available to fuck someone in their neck-vagina, I would not have guessed that one.

So, we get shots of him kinda yanking her neck back while thrusting interspersed with close-ups of a penis entering a vagina that has a black wig draped over it – movie magic – until we get the money shot that is, for once, not actually the money shot. His dick comes out of her mouth.

It’s actually fairly well-done. He thrusts several times and the dick goes in and out in time with his thrusts. I’m guessing they cut about three inches off a semi-realistic dildo and Tanner is holding it in her mouth, pushing it out with her tongue, and then sucking it back in in sync with him thrusting. His crotch is not at all lined up with where it should actually be, but you can’t win them all. She’s also trying and failing to keep from cracking up. We get this gem:

I would agree. And it does make me wonder…are people actually jerking it to this? Like, this is genuinely creative and hilarious and I am delighted that this exists, but…did they think people would actually want to fap to watching a fake dick pop out of her mouth?

That’s about it. Things end the way they normally do and we close on a couple more lines of dialogue:

Tanner: “So, Doctor, when I get my period will I’ll have a string hanging down the back of my neck?”
Eric: “That’s a very good question, Tanner.”

I mean. She could always use pads.

Kissing: No

Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:

• Fellatio: 2:36
• Cunnilingus: 3:26

That tracks. If you’re dealing with a neck vagina, you need to aggressively lean into that.