Despite it being in the public consciousness for some time, the famed penis-in-the-popcorn trick is not really a staple of pornographic movies. For the uninitiated, you go to the movies, buy a bag of popcorn, and then at some point stealthily cut a hole through the bottom of the bag, get your dick out, shove it through the hole, and then wait for your date to eat enough popcorn until they…feel your dick? At which point, best case scenario, you get a buttery, salty blowjob.

It’s been around for at least four decades and was popularized in the 1982 movie ‘Diner’, starring Mickey Rourke before his face was pounded to a pulp and had to be surgically reconstructioned. But it’s not terribly popular in porn. IAFD lists 21 titles over the last 40 years with ‘popcorn’ mentioned – compared to ‘pizza’, which appears 231 times. You get the idea.

[Aside: While researching this episode, I found multiple ASMR videos of people eating popcorn. I’ve no doubt we’ll get into ASMR at some point, but let me say that close-ups of people noisily open-mouth eating popcorn are fucking disgusting.]

Daughter Swap – which taps into that slice of kink unwilling to fully commit to step-daughter incest, so the two dads swap daughters and they all fuck in the same room and it’s totally cool – did one in 2018.

Alison Rey and Iris Rose hang out in bed casually chatting about how each other’s fathers have been checking them out and stuff, as you do. We cut down to Jack Vegas making popcorn in the kitchen. Eric John realizes he’s cutting a hole in the popcorn bag.

Eric: “You and I have a history. We’ve done some weird shit, but…a dickhole in the popcorn bag. Really?”

I was really hoping we’d get more of that – this is how Eric and Jack first met, a couple of bicurious bros sharing a bag of popcorn in the Marine Corp, but no. Jack just says it was her idea (e.g. Eric’s daughter), which kinda defeats the whole “surprise penis” factor. But!

Jack: “Now, I wouldn’t exactly take offense if you didn’t shy away from my daughter tonight – out of mutual respect of course.”

That’s – well, that’s one way to tell your bro it’s okay if he fucks your daughter while you fuck his daughter. Out of mutual respect. Also, the bolded words of “my daughter” were muted in this porno, I’m guessing because they realized they should have said “step-daughter”.

They find a second bag, Eric cuts a dickhole in it, and they give each other a bro clasping handshake, and head to the living room.

I’m not sure why, in a surprise popcorn penis daughter swap porno, this is the thing that sticks in my head and bothers me. It would probably have bothered me less if they leaned into it more and just said “Now let’s go fuck each other’s daughters.” I dunno. It’s weird.

We get out there. They’re eating popcorn. The popcorn is dark orange and clearly was covered in some sort of flavoring packet so their fingertips and tongues are turning yellowish orange like they’ve been mainlining Cheetos. They all eat popcorn for a bit (which, I’ve never eaten popcorn that has touched my own dick before, feels like that would be weird). Iris feels Jack’s dick pretty quickly and is delighted, because remember, they set this up in advance. Then Alison feels Eric’s dick and is horrified. She has a whispered consultation with Iris who says it’s her chance and to just go for it, so they do.

Things progress the way they normally do and that’s about it for plot on this one.

A variation using a bowl of popcorn was in “Step Family Sex Trio”, but that one was mostly about the incest, so let’s move past it.

This brings us to “Popcorn Surprise” in which Cathy Heaven, Samantha Page, Tasha Holz, and a male porn star only identified as “Jamie” who I was unable to track down but it doesn’t really matter because nobody gives a fuck about male pornstars.

I have to say, that’s a surprisingly small box of popcorn to share between four people during a movie. And what about drinks? Cathy has a glass of wine, and that’s it. This setup makes no fucking sense.

We get a few slow, panning foot shots that would make Tarantino blush, a couple close-ups of the girls eating popcorn (with their mouths closed, thank Christ), and eventually they realize Jamie has stuffed his dick into the popcorn. Predictably, they are not pleased.

Samantha: “What’s that doing in there?”
Tasha: “Do you think you’re funny?”

Nobody seems very amused.

Tasha: “We’ve been eating popcorn off your cock. That’s disgusting.”

Now, if this had transitioned into a femdom situation where they stripped him naked, tied him to a St. Andrew’s Cross, and then spent the next twenty minutes beating him with riding crops, I’d be totally back in.

No such luck. They stand him up, dumping popcorn everywhere, strip him naked, and make him lie down on his back – right on top of the pile of popcorn, which is a power move. You have to imagine he’ll be picking crushed popcorn out of his asscrack for the next few hours.

They make fun of him while picking bits of popcorn off his scrotum, but this is porn we’re talking about, so they effortlessly transition into a three-on-one blowjob scene. This progresses and things end the way they normally do. The girls decide to resume watching the movie. Jamie gets up and tries to put his pants on, but they grab him and make him sit back down on the couch, stark naked, penis and belly covered in fresh baby batter, asscrack full of popcorn, and make him watch the rest of the movie.

Honestly? Pretty good ending. If someone goes to the trouble to do the penis in the popcorn trick, you kinda have to blow him, it’s about rewarding initiative. But the follow-up always needs to be to watch the rest of the two-hour movie with an asscrack full of popcorn.