This one is called “Read My Cunt” and comes from the fine folks over at Brazzers. We open on Mischa Brooks and Jackie Daniels outside a generic glass-fronted building where someone has poorly drawn on a Palm Reading sign:
Jackie: “Oh wow, look! I hear he’s the hottest new psychic in town. Carol said she had to suck his cock during her reading!”
I would really like know about the “had” in that sentence. Was it like, she just HAD to suck his cock because he’s so hot, or…was their force involved?
Mischa: “Really?”
Jackie: “Yeah, his big cock has extra healing powers. And it’s huge.”
Mischa: “You don’t really believe all that psychic sixth sense stuff, do you?”
Jackie: “Yeah, when your cock is THAT huge, it gives you extra-sensory, like, powers. And, cause, like, your sensations are heightened. It’s like, a sixth sexual sense.”
Mischa: “Yeah, but psychics can fake it through hot readings. You know, when they find stuff out about you beforehand.”
Jackie: “I hope he gives ME a hot reading. Come on, let’s go in!”
Mischa: “I don’t know.”
Jackie: “ESP for pussy is real! Come on, Mischa!”
Mischa: “Psychics aren’t real, and even if his cock is that big, a psychic cock sounds scary.”
Jackie: “You’ve never been fucked by a big cock, have you?”
Mischa: “How do you know?”
Jackie: “Cause I’m psychic! It’s okay, don’t worry. It hurts at first, but then it feels really good. C’mon, let’s go in.”
Goddamn, Brazzers isn’t fucking around. I better see some psychic cock in the next 40 minutes.
We cut inside where Johnny Sins is meditating in a cloak behind an array of candles.
Jackie: “Hi, this is my friend, she’s sexually confused and she needs some help.”
Whoa! That’s a new fact.
Johnny asks Mischa to follow her into the back and Jackie sits down to wait, immediately pulls her underwear to the side, and starts flicking her bean.
In the back, they sit down and Johnny says they’ll start with the palm reading. Gotta say, Brazzers is knocking it out of the fucking park with their set design.
Mischa: “I keep having these fantasies about a big cock, and I’m afraid…I keep imagining it tearing into me, leaving a huge gaping hole.”
Johnny: “I see. There is darkness in you – it’s right here in your heart line. Yes, it’s so clear. This is your heart line. It shows me your emotions. It tells me you’re a true slut, who needs big cock.”
Jesus!
Johnny explains he’ll need to do a full-body reading to unearth her inner slut and tells her to undress. Mischa stands up, Johnny strips her naked without so much as a by-your-leave, and begins caressing her naked body;
Johnny: “This your slutline. It tells me how big a slut you could become.”
Johnny explains that they’ll need to bring out her inner slut in stages, so he has her give his rather sizable member a handy and then progress into oral. I’m kinda conflicted here, on the one hand, he’s committing to the bit and continuing with his psychic instructions – although admittedly, outside of predicting that Mischa is a slut, he hasn’t done a lot of psychic stuff. On the other hand, I’d really like him to shut the fuck up.
So. They fuck in a variety of creative positions. You know, I don’t really remember having seen Mischa Brooks in much before, which is odd considering she’s been in 267 pornos, but she is a quite nice-looking lady, and very good at her job. Johnny Sins, for what it’s worth, it’s not the usual CHUD we see here at Stupid Porn Plots. Hats off to them both.
Things end the way they normally do, and we get a closing remark:
Mischa: “You released my inner slut. And your spiritual juices.”
Well. Okay. I mean, I was skeptical at the beginning, but he predicted she was a slut, they had sex, and Mischa then confirmed that her inner slut was released. Cut and dry case. That being said, while ‘slut’ can mean a lot of things, they had fairly vanilla oral and vaginal sex. They didn’t even dip so much as a toe into the pool of what could be considered kink. Neither party said a single curse word, and there wasn’t even an ‘Oh my God’. How much of a slut are you if you won’t even take the Lord’s name in vain? Although Mischa was born in Salt Lake City, so maybe that’s her inner Mormon shining through.
We then cut to Jackie masturbating in the waiting room. Mischa and Johnny come out through the bead curtain.
Jackie: “Is it my turn?”
Johnny: “Another slut. Come with me.”
Johnny manages to put just the right tinge of annoyance into his tone to make that line very, very funny.
That being said, this scene was a bunch of hot bullshit. This was called Read My Cunt and he never did a cunt reading. How great of a porn setup is that: instead of doing a palm reading, we get a lengthy examination and reading of Mischa’s hood, clitoris, labia (majora and minora), all the bits. Palm readings are boring, junk readings sound amazing. If I went to a psychic who promised to read my cunt, and he just read my palm and then we fucked, I’d demand a refund, and I don’t even have a cunt.
Kissing: No
Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:
- Fellatio: 9:45
- Cunnilingus: 3:46