Usually, if you have to ask the question “Why is there a dick in me?”, that’s a sign that something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. But not always!
We open on Kyle Mason eating cereal shirtless at the breakfast table. For reasons that are unclear, they’ve placed black tape over some of the labels on the milk and cereal, but not enough to disguise the fact the cereal is off-brand Kroger frosted flakes.
Zoe Parker rolls in wearing a t-shirt and some very revealing panties and pours herself some cereal. She asks why Kyle is in his boxers, he scoffs and points that her tits are basically hanging out of her shirt. Okay. So it’s not normal for these two to be basically nude around each other? Odd choice. Zoe tells him not to look at her tits and adjusts her shirt, inadvertently flashing him in the process.
Zoe asks for some milk but Kyle says no because he “might need it”. You know, this scene comes from “Bratty Sis”, but Kyle is really being an asshole right now. They struggle over the milk jug, splashing milk all over the table and the floor.
Zoe: “My mom’s going to be so pissed at you, I can’t believe she married your fucking dad!”
Goddamn that’s some smooth exposition. Nicely done.
Finally Kyle has had enough and just drenches her in milk. Wait. I thought he might need it?
Zoe is not pleased.
Zoe: “OH MY FREAKING GOD!”
This is porn. You can say ‘fucking’.
Zoe pulls her wet top off, which, I have to say, she’s very casual about being topless in front of her dickish stepbrother. She could walk into the bathroom or her bedroom first.
Zoe starts yelling at him and they have a minor slap fight until Kyle accidentally touches her boob and she slaps his hand away. She pushes him and he falls backward onto a white couch that has a – giant piece of IKEA artwork hanging on the wall. Fuck yes. The only thing better than a ridiculous porn plot is a ridiculous porn plot beneath generic IKEA art.
Zoe straddles him and they start wrestling around topless, like bitchy stepsiblings do, yelling at each other. After a second or two Kyle’s erect penis – apparently he gets off on splashing people with milk – pops out of the dickhole is his boxers, and they keep wrestling with each other, bouncing around all casual, and her tiny thong panties accidentally slip to one side, and all of a sudden we get full penetration.
Zoe: “Wait…why is there a dick in me?”
Kyle: “I did not do that. It just fell and slipped in. I did not do that. Get off!”
Zoe: “No, it feels good.”
Normally I’d bitch about the lack of consent, but maybe a third of a second later he agrees that it does in fact feel pretty good and they have a nice sticky incestual stepsibling milk kiss. Who said romance was dead?
Also, not for nothing, but if you’re going to wrestle your stepbrother topless in thong underwear, getting a dick in you is kind of an occupational hazard. If a million monkeys typing can eventually produce the works of Shakespeare, topless thong wrestling will result in surprise penetration. Take some goddamn responsibility for your actions.
Anyway. They fuck in a variety of positions and things end the way they normally do, a couple times, and that’s about it.
Kissing: Yes
Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:
Fellatio: 9:12
Cunnilingus: 0:00