We open on Samantha Bentley walking into confess, wearing a skirt that you would certainly not wear to confession; even if you went with the express intent on seducing the priest. This one is part of the “I Confess” series. I’ve looked through a few of them, and strangely, the (exclusively) women going to confession are mostly confessing sins of a sexual nature. Let’s see what Samantha is bringing to the table. 

Samantha: “Forgive me Father, for I have sinned, it’s been exactly one year since my last confession. I accuse myself of lust, lying, pleasuring myself whilst having impure thoughts, sex before marriage…”

That’s quite the list. The priest (Ryan Ryder) is wearing a creepy white mask for reasons that will not be explained, but he says to tell him of her sins.  

Samantha: “Well, as you know, and you do know, my father is in a powerful position in government, and if he knew – if anyone knew what I’ve been doing…I’ve been having sexual relations with a criminal, Father. And I can’t stop. I let him…I orally pleasured him and then I let him put his cock in my ass.”
Father Ryan: “You speak of sodomy, Samantha?”
Samantha: “I know father, I’m a sinner! I’m Satan’s whore!”
Father Ryan: “Samantha. It’s important that you tell me – in detail – more detail of your sins, in order to fully understand.”

As she speaks, we see Father Ryan pull his cock out and start to jerk it.

Samantha: “Well, the first time it happened was just after the trial, and I knew that father was getting a lot of stick from everything around the trial, so I reached out to him, and I thought if I could help the situation, and I invited him to the house. I thought if I had sexual relations with him that it would all go away. But then I couldn’t stop, because it was so good! And I let him fuck me in my father’s bed.”

I don’t know what, exactly, in the sexual repression of religious women that makes them want to defile their parents’ marriage bed, but I do know that it’s a thing. 

Samantha: “I just want to taste his cock, I just want to swallow his cum, I want to feel him penetrate all of my holes…all of them.”  

She goes on like this for a bit.

Father Ryan: “You came here for absolution. Forgiveness.”
Samantha: “Yes Father, of course.”
Father Ryan: “I can give you those things.”
Samantha: “What do I need to do, Father? Please take the demon out of me.”
Father Ryan: “I have sins of my own, Samantha.”
Samantha: “Father, what do you mean?”
Father Ryan: “I’m afraid I have violated the sanctity of this confession by recording some of my flock, including you here today.”
Samantha: “What?! Father!”
Father Ryan: “Samantha, you want my absolution, you want forgiveness, in order to do that, you must give yourself to me today or these recordings will be made public.”

Samantha starts sobbing, but Father Ryan jumps up, slams the little window open, and thrusts his erect penis through the opening, which I admit is one of the more creative glory holes I’ve seen.   

Father Ryan tells her she needs to give herself to him and she has five seconds to make up her mind, then starts counting down from five, so Samantha turns and shoves his dick into her mouth right as he reaches one. 

I think my biggest problem with this so far is that throughout all her descriptions of sexual misconduct is he never once asked her if they were using a condom, which would easily be the biggest problem he would need to address. Everything else pretty much makes sense: Catholics love fucking criminals on their parents’ bed, people don’t go to confession enough, and priests are rapists. Sure, Samantha Bentley was 27 when she filmed this scene, making her a good twenty years past when the average priest would be interested in her, but rape is rape. 

She blows him for a bit, and eventually Father Ryan opens up the divider and pulls her into his side. He fucks her doggy style at first with her head through the confessional window which is a somewhat creative use of the set, except the door is rattling nonstop so all we can hear is wood rattling super loudly. 

They fuck in multiple positions and it’s not super interesting. Samantha says “Oh God” a lot and he never chastises her for taking the Lord’s name in vain. Any creative director would have had Father Ryan make Samantha say ten Hail Marys while he railed her, which would be several tiers above the pornographic brilliance of, say, making someone recite the Pledge of Allegiance, but instead we’re treated to pretty boring, generic fucking. They’re clearly trying to tap into Catholic guilt here, why stop halfway? Commit to the fucking bit.

Eventually Father Ryan goes out and grabs a small video camera and starts filming her. Samantha starts blowing him.

Samantha: “Let me taste my sins, Father.”

Shouldn’t that be, ‘Let me taste YOUR sins, Father’?

Father Ryan unleashes his religious guilt all over Samantha’s face and she receives it enthusiastically, because this is porn, and any sex that happens through coercion and blackmail eventually becomes consensual…because it’s porn.

Father Ryan: “I give you absolution. I forgive you all of your sins.”
Samantha: “Thank you Father.” 
Father Ryan: “Go in peace. And don’t try to fucking sin again…or you’ll be back to see me.”

Ominous.

Kissing: No. 

Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:

• Fellatio: 6:51
• Cunnilingus: 0:00

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times: Catholic priests are selfish lovers.