You remember when you were kids and you’d talk about topics like “What would you do if you had a remote control to pause time?” and everyone would debate it, and there’d be honest and wholesome responses, like robbing banks, beating the shit out of bullies, taking a steaming dump through Principal Henderson’s sunroof, but then the one creep in the group would heavily imply that he’d sexually assault someone, and nobody knew what to say because you were eleven and it was the year 2000 and society was a dumpster fire?
There’s a whole genre of porn that’s based around that. We’ll get to actual timestop porn at some point, because I guess we have to, but for today, we’ll talk about mind control, which is basically just as bad. There’s a reason the Imperius curse is Unforgivable.
We open on a loaded Thanksgiving table of food that looks, quite frankly, like absolute shit, and Aria Banks introduces her new boyfriend, Jeremy (aka Tyler Steel), to her mother, Casca Akashova, and her father, Unknown Male 637223.
Her parents greet him and Casca directs ‘Jonathan’ to his seat. Aria corrects her, annoyed. There’s a couple Thanksgiving balloons floating in the background, which is…interesting? Maybe that’s a thing. Who knows.
Unknown Male 637223: “Every month it’s someone new!”
Aria: “No, it’s not! He’s good this time, I swear.”
Casca: “Yes, dear, I’m sure he is.”
Aria: “Let’s just eat. Enough about the past boyfriends, this is the only one that’s important.”
Casca: “I’m sure he’s a keeper, darling.”
Casca asks “Jason” to tell him about himself, and Jeremy once again corrects her. She pronounces it “Joaquin”, which, given her THICK accent, might just be her mangling English. Dad points out they’ll have forgotten it in two weeks anyway. Casca says he’ll need to forgive Dad, since he has Alzheimers. I’m really starting to hate both of these parents.
Jeremy explains that he brought a surprise and pulls a turkey call out of his backpack and gives it a shake.
Casca: “She brought a pervert! Again!”
In fairness, it does look like an oversized buttplug for the most flexible anus in the house. Jeremy gives it another shake and the second time’s the charm because everyone immediately falls into a trance.
Jeremy: “You have no idea how bad your family is. Seriously, they’re fucked up. Your mom, though…that dress and those tits…they’re just…they’re amazing. You just let your mom walk around like that in front of men?”
Creepy. Jeremy turns to Unknown Male 637223.
Jeremy: “Pops. Can you hear me? You’re just a miserable little son of a bitch, aren’t you? You know what, I’m gonna take it easy on you, okay? You’re going to sit here and eat your Thanksgiving dinner while I sit here – I ain’t gonna sit here, that’s for damn sure – I’m gonna fuck the shit out of your wife and daughter. And you’re gonna fucking watch. You’re gonna like it, too.”
Jeremy then pulls out festive Thanksgiving hats – which, like balloons, are apparently a thing that exist in reality – and has everyone put them on.
Casca: “Is this what it’s like inside a turkey?”
Aria: “So festive!”
Jeremy: “Quiet!”
Jeremy then orders them to do their best turkey dance, and we are treated to three of the worst turkey impersonations I’ve ever seen. It’s like the Bluth chicken impression from Arrested Development, if none of the actors had any comedic chops and the scene went on for seventy-five seconds while one of the characters sexually assaulted another character on-screen. It’s deeply upsetting.
Jeremy picks up the gravy boat and drizzles gravy over Casca’s tits while ordering Aria to lick it off. Normally, I’d commend them for committing to the bit, and if this was a consensual sex scene, I would be. In fairness, it’s probably the tastiest thing Aria has ever licked off another woman’s breasts.
Casca and Aria start making out, then suddenly freak out because the mind control has worn off, so Jeremy has to pull out the turkey call and re-up the magic.
They fuck (read: he assaults them) in a variety of positions. Unknown Male 637223 makes a few attempts at choking down the awful-looking food in the background before giving up and staring vacantly into the middle distance. Overall, it’s bland and uninspiring, although we do manage to achieve a solid mother-daughter synaloepha:
Eventually Jeremy unloads the whipped cream into Casca’s sweet pumpkin pie and orders Aria to felch the cum out of her mom’s pussy. There’s no bullshit about “step-mom”, either, this is straight up incest, here.
He has them all sit down and then lays down the law:
Jeremy: “We’re going to have a little discussion. You and you (he points at each parent) are going to like me. You’re going to like that me and your daughter are together. You’re going to be okay with it. You’re going to want us to get married and have children, and we’re not going to hear anything about it. You’re going to be a lot nicer now, aren’t you?”
Unknown Male 637223: “Yes Jeremy.”
Casca: “Yes Jerandah.”
Jeremy: “Honey, you’re going to forget this ever happened.”
Aria: “Yes Jeremy what happened Jeremy?”
Jeremy: “The both of you will. The one thing you’re gonna remember is her and I are together, and you’re going to deal with it!”
With that, Jeremy gives the turkey call a quick shake and the spell goes out. Casca takes off her turkey hat, muttering that she went to therapy to deal with shit like turkey hats. Unknown Male 637223 proclaims what a great guy Jeremy is, and Aria proclaims her love and gives him a lengthy kiss, no doubt flavored by all the cum she just sucked out of her mother’s vagina.
Kissing: Yes.