This one comes to us from (once again) the mind of Jim Powers, covering two scenes from 2004’s ‘Babysitter 19’. 

We open on Lee Stone and Missy Monroe entering your typical suburban porn house. He tells her where the formula is located and reminds her to warm it first. 

Missy: “Is it supposed to be cold or hot or – ”

Big red flag, there, if your babysitter doesn’t know that. Lee mentions that his wife is out of town, and wants to go through the rules with Missy, because his wife is getting back tomorrow, and there’ll be hell to pay if anything is out of place.  

The rules are simple:

• No alcohol or beer
• No friends are allowed over, especially guy friends

Missy agrees, and Lee exits. Missy immediately walks over to the phone and calls her friend ‘Kat’ to explain that Lee has left – despite the fact that he almost certainly wouldn’t have made it out of the building yet – and says to come over and bring the guys. 

Classic babysitter shenanigans.

We then cross-fade to a skull,, and slowly pull back to reveal a pentagram that’s been created with red tape on the carpet, and three people seated around it: Missy , Kat, and Jimmy Blaze (repeat offender). 

Sinister, royalty-free music plays as we get close-ups of each person exchanging nervous glances. 

Missy: “I can’t believe we’re going to do it. We’re going to summon The Great One. When’s Mr. LeFae coming?”
Kat: “He’s in the other room preparing himself. He said…we’ll have to wait.”
Jimmy: “I don’t know about you, but he’s one creepy motherfucker.”
Missy: “I can’t believe you found him on the internet!”
Kat: “It wasn’t just the internet. It was the ChurchOfSatan.com.”

I don’t know if the fine folks over at ChurchOfSatan.com (which is a real website) appreciate the shout-out. 

Jimmy: “He’s an ordained minister of the black arts! You did a good job of finding him, baby.”
Kat: “I love you, Jimmy.”

To be clear, you can get ordained online nowadays, so I’m not sure how much weight they should put into that. Also, all three of them are fucking terrible actors. I’m grading on a porn scale here, and these are some of the worst who have ever graced StupidPornPlots.com. 

Mr. LeFae enters, who turns out to just be Johnny Thrust (repeat offender) dressed in black. Johnny parks his ass on the edge of the bed and looks down at the three novices. 

Johnny: “Good evening, my children. Are you ready to embark on this journey? For tonight we will summon the great demon himself, and you will learn of the carnal pleasures of the flesh. Carnal pleasures that you are denied in the Anglo-Christian church. Carnal pleasures which are – your right. For the Great One, he does not deny you these pleasures as to the Puritanical ways of the Anglo-Christian church. But first, you must don your ceremonial robes.”

Someone involved in the production clearly knows something about the history of the Church (that, or did some minor Googling). At any rate, Johnny tosses everyone a set of black robes, then stops everyone and says they need to undress first, then put on the robes.

Missy: “What? You want me to get naked?”

You’re about to summon Lucifer, the Angel of the Abyss, the Morning Star, Tempter, Deceiver, the Father of Lies, Beelzebub, Leviathan, the King of the Bottomless Pit, Satan himself, and you’re worried about a little nudity? Grow the fuck up. 

Johnny gets up in her personal space and tells her she needs to embrace it, then starts stripping off her clothes without so much as a by-your-leave. C’mon. Ask first. This isn’t hard. Jimmy takes a peek at Missy’s tits, which Kat notices, and tells Johnny he needs to look at her too. Relationship drama!

Once clad in black, they all sit cross-legged in a yoga pose. Johnny hums a bit and starts singing “Oh Satan we exalt thee.” The others join in. After fifteen ‘Oh Satan we exalt thees’ Johnny picks up the skull and tells them it’s time…for their taste of pleasure that was denied them. He tells Kat to take her place in the middle of the pentagram. Kat obeys, strips naked, and aligns herself. 

Johnny climbs on top of her (still fully dressed) and starts dry-humping her.

Missy: “Oh shit! What time is it? I need to go check on the kid.”

Missy runs out of the room. Remember, this is babysitter porn we’re talking about.

We cut forward, Johnny has his pants off and is fucking Kat, and Jimmy is pissed, because Kat, you know, is his girlfriend.

Jimmy: “Mr. LeFae, I’m feeling a little left out here!”
Johnny: “Satan hasn’t called for you yet.”
Jimmy: “That is my girlfriend you’re fucking.”
Johnny: “She’s Satan’s girlfriend now.”

So Johnny fucks her for a bit. Kat yells “Fuck me Satan” way too many times. Eventually Johnny tags Jimmy in and lets him fuck his girlfriend. Things progress as they normally do and eventually they both unleash the devil’s mischief all over Kat’s face and that’s about it.

But it’s not! Because after going to all the trouble of taping a pentagram on some carpet, Jim Powers wasn’t about to just use it for one scene, so it was also featured in the next scene on Babysitter 19. 

We open on Lee Stone walking down a hallway and calling “Missy I’m home!” He opens a couple doors but can’t find anyone.

We move over to Missy lying nude and spread-eagled over the pentagram while Johnny, Jimmy, and Kat intone “Oh Satan we exalt thee”. 

Johnny: “Are you ready to receive the Devil’s seed?”
Missy: “Mmmhmm.” 
Johnny: “We could use a blood sacrifice. Is there a child in the house?”

Missy’s mouth pops open in shock, and I am inclined to agree. Butt-fucking someone’s girlfriend on a pentagram is all well and good, we’ve all been there, but ritually sacrificing a small child to Satan? That’s taking things to a whole new level. But before we can really delve into the ethics of sacrificing the child you’re supposed to be babysitting to Satan, Lee opens the door.

Lee: “What the hell is going on in here?!”

Johnny, Jimmy, and Kat all leap up and sprint out of the room.

Missy: “I’m so sorry!”
Lee: “Didn’t I give you explicit instructions? What kind of Satanic shit is this? Where’s my son? Billy!”
Missy: “Oh shit I’m in so much trouble.”

We cut forward and Missy and Lee are sitting on the edge of the bed. Missy is still buck-ass naked for some reason, and Lee is examining the skull. Missy is very apologetic, and Lee is pretty reasonable, under the circumstances. Apparently ‘Billy’ – who Missy was supposed to be babysitting instead of summoning Satan – is fine, the house is still standing, and Lee’s in a good mood, which may have something to do with the fact that Missy is both attractive and naked.

Lee: “Look, I was young too once, and I got into my share of cults.”

That is, hands-down, the greatest fucking line that has ever been delivered in any pornographic film. 

Lee suggests that Missy steer clear of cults in the future, and head on home, he’ll clean up the candle wax, pentagrams, and (presumably) seminal fluid. 

Missy: “I can’t leave, Mr. Stone, I can’t leave until I have sex.”
Lee: “Why not, I’ve told you, that’s – ”
Missy: “Because Satan might come and get me later, and it might be him, because if I don’t partake of earthly pleasures, then, it’s just, it’s bad!”

This would be a lot more convincing if earlier, Mr. LeFae had told her she couldn’t leave without scaling Fuck Mountain, but also, this is probably the single best reason sex to occur in a porno. 

Lee: “All right, Missy, I guess we can’t have that happen, now can we?”

And then they fuck. It’s not terribly interesting. You would hope they’d layer the fucking with some clever Satanism references, but no such luck: Missy repeatedly says “Oh my God” as she’s being railed, instead of something creative like “Oh hail Satan”. Eventually things end the way they normally do. 

Missy: “You fucked the hell out of me, Mr. Stone.”

Okay, that’s a decent line. 

Lee: “But that still does not make up for the fact that you had friends over when I explicitly told you not to.”
Missy: “Does that mean I can’t babysit for you any more?”
Lee: “I tell you what, let’s talk about it.”

He’s being remarkably cavalier about all this, especially considering that he has a wife who is currently out of town and whom Missy undoubtedly knows how to contact, either now or upon her return. 

Kissing: Yes.

Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:

• Fellatio: 2:38
• Cunnilingus: 0:57