We open on Eva Moore and Marc Cummings (repeat offender) standing in a fairly domestic kitchen. Marc is delivering exposition like there’s a gun to his head.

Marc: “This was supposed to be a homework assignment, but I’m going to give you a chance to make it today. You’re, uh, treading on thin ice, young lady. So let’s begin.”

Eva opens up a box of Pillsbury cake mix – not sure if Pillsbury appreciates the shout-out, but hey – and starts opening it. 

Marc: “You know, if you’d applied yourself a little harder all semester you wouldn’t be here – you know, you’re 18 years old now, you’re a young lady, you wouldn’t be baking a cake to pass high school.” 

You know, it’s so common that I barely think anything of it, but it’s weird how many porn movies go out of their way to reassure the audience that yes, this lady is 18. (Technically, Eva was 23 when she filmed this, but who’s counting?)

Also, and maybe this is a San Fernando Valley thing, but who the fuck has to bake a cake to pass high school? What next, a downhill skiing competition to save the rec center? Also, where the fuck are we? This is clearly not a school, so you have to assume they’re at Marc’s house. Why is a high school teacher having his students do extra credit cake assignments at his house?

Marc has her add some milk to the bowl of cake mix and stir, and is immediately displeased with the quality of her stirring, telling her she needs to “really stir”. In fairness, we do get an action shot of the bowl of cake soup, and it’s lumpy as all hell and looks fucking gross:

Marc: “You’re supposed to BEAT IT. It’s cake batter. Beat it up!”

He continues to berate her while Eva beats the cake batter like it owes her money. I’m starting to feel like Marc may not be that good of a teacher and maybe this is the reason Eva is taking Remedial Cake Mixing. 

Eventually Eva loses control of the spatula and it falls to the floor. Marc sputters for a few seconds. You know, when I watched this for the first time, I thought for certain that Marc was going to do the creepy Hallmark thing where he gets behind her and holds her hand and is like ‘No…mix it like this…” but where he actually goes is so much better. 

Marc: “I could beat this batter better with my own dick!”
Eva: “Mr. Jones what are you doing!”

You guessed it. So he sticks his dick in the bowl of batter, grabs her hand, and has her start mixing the batter with his dick. Without consent, needless to say.

It almost immediately gets awkward because they haven’t thought this through and there isn’t nearly enough batter in the bowl for his dick to easily reach it, plus he’s not hard, so she’s kinda pulling his limp dick down and slapping it around the top of the cake batter.

However, they persist and she stirs the cake batter awkwardly for way too long before transitioning into a sloppy cake batter blowjob. 

Eventually they mix things up and Marc boosts her onto the counter. 

Eva: “Oh, Professor, are you going to batter my muffin?”

He sure is, and things progress more or less normally until they decide (for reasons that are unclear) the aforementioned cake batter needs to play a critical third role in their fucking.

And I know, I like to say commit to the bit, but also, don’t cover yourself in cake batter. Stick to making baking puns. They fuck for a bit, and eventually Marc decides to take things to the next level:

Marc: “Time to check the fudge factory.”

That’s one way to proposition your cake-batter-slathered student for butt stuff. So they do that.

I have no idea if it’s a good idea to get a bunch of cake batter inside one’s vagina and asshole, but it seems yeasty, and also like it wouldn’t be an effective lubricant, which are two good enough reasons to avoid it. 

Eventually things end the way they normally do with Marc frosting Eva’s cupcake, if you know what I mean. Eva asks if she passed the class and Marc assures her that she did, so happy endings all round. 

Kissing: No

Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:

• Fellatio: 3:31
• Cunnilingus: 2:17

Also, I wouldn’t recommend eating any cake that came out of that kitchen. Turns out, a LOT of porn has been filmed in there: