We open on Ashley Adams sitting on a couch reading a book called “The Unfinished Business of Lesbian World Domination”, which, first, great fucking title. Unfortunately it seems this book doesn’t exist. Bree Mills (the supposed author and legendary porn director) frequently wears a shirt that says “Lesbian World Domination” and the dust jacket of this book doesn’t fit quite right, so I assume someone mocked up a fake dust jacket for a fake book and they’re using it as a prop. I’m in!

Over the opening credits – which I appreciate – Ashley fidgets and does the Sharon Stone leg cross, letting us know she’s panty-free. Going clamando. It’s pretty subtle:

Ashley glances over her shoulder, clearly checking out Jayden Cole, who is sitting at the desk behind her. We have one wall of bookcases, and a moment later we get a title card that says “The Loud Librarian”, so apparently this is supposed to be a library that has a faux-leather couch in it. Okay. Hold up. Whoever heard of a loud librarian? That’s like the opposite of their whole deal. Jayden, for her part, is intently focused on whatever she’s doing, and even does a sexy pen bite for us:

Finally Ashley gets down to business:

Ashley: “Excuse me? I could use some help over here.”
Jayden: “What can I help you with?”

Jayden comes over and sits down next to Ashley, who gestures at the book.

Ashley: “I just…I don’t really get all of this.”
Jayden: “Oh! Well that’s because you need to flip over to this page to reference the index which will teach you to go – tell you to go back to page 63.”

Should have been page 69, obviously, but either way, props to Jayden for not even being phased at helping someone understand The Unfinished Business of Lesbian World Domination. What a pro. Ashley thanks her for helping out, and exposits that she’s a teacher’s aide and wants to have this down before she gets into the classroom. That’s fair. There’s nothing like the shame and humiliation of being unprepared to teach the eager young minds of tomorrow about Lesbian World Domination.  

Jayden: “…and we’ve also got some more books in this category over in Section Four, Row Five.”

Jesus. How many books on Lesbian World Domination are there? Ashley, however, has other things on her mind:

Ashley: “I’m in here all the time – I love reading – I couldn’t help but notice how cute you are. How long have you worked here?”
Jayden: “Oh, I actually just transferred from the library across campus just about two or three weeks ago.”

Ashley is pleased, because this means they’ll be able to spend plenty of time together. She scootches a bit closer to Jayden while adjusting her dress, flashing the camera again. She tells Jayden that she has “really nice hair” while making unsolicited physical contact. NO. GODDAMNIT. CONSENT, FOR FUCK’S SAKE. Jayden is clearly uncomfortable and tries to diffuse the situation:

Jayden: “Well, you’re going to find a lot more books that can help you with what you’re looking for over in Row Four, Section C.”

Wait a second. A moment ago it was Section Four, Row Five, and now it’s Row Four, Section C? Or maybe they’re just trying to show us that Jayden is getting flustered by a stranger touching her without consent. 

Ashley asks if Jayden is married or has a boyfriend, which Jayden parries neatly, and then Ashley asks if she’s ever hooked up in the library…while touching Jayden’s thigh. 

Jayden: “No! This is a professional environment and I only started a few weeks ago!”

Ashley points out that Jayden will be here a lot. Jayden protests that there are students in here all the time and they’re obviously not looking to hook up. Oh Jayden. You sweet summer child. College students will hook up anywhere. They have no shame. That’s what college is for: getting railed in the library against a shelf of books about the socioeconomic impact of redlining. 

Ashley takes her shawl off and then pops the straps off her dress. 

Jayden: “You should put those away! You’re going to get me fired!”
Ashley: “I’m not going to get you in trouble. But…does this make you uncomfortable?”
Jayden: “It makes me very uncomfortable, I need to put your shawl back on – ”
Ashley: “They’re not even out yet!”
Jayden: “ – serious, please, put your clothes back on, my supervisor walks in here at any moment – ”

Ashley pops the dress off.

Jayden: “Put your clothes back on, there are people right around the corner!”

Ashley suggests they make a deal: if Jayden touches her tits, she’ll put her clothes back on. Jayden sputters a bit and finally gives the twins a squeeze. Ashley, shockingly, doesn’t hold up her end of the bargain, jumps on Jayden’s lap, and starts kissing her. This being porn, in about a second and a half Jayden changes up her tune and starts kissing back, and – 

Ashley: “This will be so much easier if you just let me do whatever I want to you.”

That is a deeply terrifying statement in every context, including lesbian porn. But Jayden says “Okay” and then they start summiting Fuck Mountain. 

It’s fine. Despite the title, Jayden isn’t particularly loud, although there’s no shushing, which feels like a critical mistake in any librarian porn. They also aren’t making any real effort to be quiet, despite Jayden’s statement that there are people right around the corner. Which also feels like a waste. Call me crazy, but there is something inherently hot about having sneaky sex that you have to keep quiet so as not to let anyone around you know what’s going on, why not lean the fuck into that? 

Anyway, things progress as they normally do, with perhaps an above-average amount of eating ass, and end the way they normally do in lesbian porn, where things just kinda stop, and they make out for a bit, and Ashley asks for her name and number. Lesbians, amirite? 

Kissing: Yes