We open on a slow panning shot of classroom posters, including the alphabet, until we arrive on Johnny Thrust (repeat offender) sitting with his head in his hands as mournful piano music begins to play.
I note, with some concern, that of the two math problems on the chalkboard, one (3+4=7) is correct, but the other (2+2=5), is not. What kind of class is this? It doesn’t speak well for Johnny’s ability as a teacher and I’m pretty sure basic single-digit addition isn’t being taught in high school.
After a moment, Emily Evermoore enters.
Emily: “I saw you talking to the principal. Are you okay, Mr. McCready?”
Johnny: “No, I’m not okay, I’ve been fired!”
Ah. Now that 2+2=5 is making more sense.
Johnny: “You know, they take having sex with the students seriously. In fact, they’re gonna be calling your parents to let them know! My career’s down the drain, I’ll never get another teaching job, they’re gonna be pressing charges! No, I’m not okay! Oh, god!”
You know, we’ve seen a lot of problematic teacher-student relationships here at Stupid Porn Plots, but this is the first one that has actually dealt with the real-world ramifications of those bad choices. Gotta give Jim Powers props, he’s willing to go where other filmmakers won’t.
Johnny: “I spent my whole career teaching kids – students – how to read, and just one – just ONE – of you comes along and…ugh! God, I’m so stupid.”
Emily: “It’s okay. We can still be together. I’ll move in and we’ll start a family!”
Johnny: “Move in where? I’ve got to move from this town now, I can’t stay here with the stigma. And what am I gonna tell my wife? ‘Hi Honey, guess what, we’ve got company for dinner, and they’re staying forever!’ Come on!”
He’s making some compelling points, although honestly, as fucked as Johnny’s marriage clearly is, I’d be more worried about the whole ‘pressing charges’ bit.
Emily: “Well…how about one last time?”
Johnny: “No! No, we can’t.”
Emily: “No? You never said no before?”
Johnny: “Emily, please, Emily, we can’t.”
Emily starts aggressively kissing him.
Johnny: “Emily, what are you doing?”
Emily: “You know exactly what I’m doing.
Johnny: “Stop. Stop.”
Emily: “Shut up.”
So much for consent. Also: you’ve been busted for fucking your student, got fired, and are facing possible jail time, so you decide to get one last fuck in, for the road?
Anyway. That’s about it. They fuck in a variety of positions and things end the way they normally do. Emily shouts “I’m going to miss this when you’re gone” which was sweet, but would have been funnier if she’d said ‘I’m going to miss this when you’re in prison’. After Johnny unleashes another felony across his student’s face, post-nut clarity comes rushing back in:
Johnny: “Emily, you gotta go, okay? I can’t be caught with you again. I don’t need any charges pressed against me. Please, just go, I gotta pack up.”
Emily: “Okay, but – you’re still my favorite teacher. You taught me everything I know.”
Johnny: “Yeah, two plus two equals five.”
This was an interesting one. On the one hand, I appreciate them depicting the downside of teachers fucking their students. Porn tends to depict these things as naughty flights of fancy where everyone gets laid and good times are had by all, and switching it up to show a man’s life falling apart was a solid choice. On the other hand, a lot of things don’t make sense. Are we supposed to believe Johnny really taught her two plus two equals five? One, that doesn’t make any sense, and two, that would mean Johnny’s been teaching her since what, fucking kindergarten? Gross.
Kissing: Yes
Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:
- Fellatio: 4:07
- Cunnilingus: 0:00