We open on Emily Kae, dressed smartly, leading Prince Yahshua and Charlie Mac into a large and very expensive-looking foyer.
Emily is rambling about the house features because she’s a real estate agent doing a showing for these two gentlemen.
Emily: “Mr. Prince, I think this is going to be a great fit for you.”
Prince: “Mmm. Could be.”
Emily: “Would you like to check out the living room?”
Prince: “Absolutely. After you.”
From my admittedly limited experiences with real estate, I understand that part of viewing a house is, in fact, viewing the entire house, it’s a little weird they’re not just doing that.
They like the living room. Prince asks her if the owner is flexible on the price.
Emily: “You know, I’m not really sure, because this house is pretty unique, as you can tell. But I’m sure we can put in an offer and see what happens.”
They go upstairs, following Emily, and we get a long, lingering, porny shot of her tushy, while Prince and Charlie nudge each other. Emily mentions again that the house is open and spacious with lots of natural light. Clearly Emily watches a lot of HGTV and the filmmakers told her ‘run with that’.
They get to the master bedroom and Prince is very impressed.
Emily: “It’s the perfect master bedroom for a couple.”
Prince: “Oh no no no, sweetheart. I’m single all the way.”
Emily: “Oh, is that right? Well aren’t you so lucky, Mr. Prince?”
Prince: “What about yourself?”
Emily: “Well, I have a boyfriend, but we don’t live together…things aren’t going so well right now.”
Prince gives Charlie a knowing look. He suggests they go downstairs and talk about it. He quickly motions (behind Emily’s back) for Charlie to stay upstairs and they share a quick bro-ey fist-bump before they head downstairs.
On the main level, Emily is filling out the paperwork. They’re putting in the offer at $5.6 million, because this house is fucking gorgeous, and that’s that. Emily is about to leave, but Prince asks her to stay and talk a while.
Emily: “What did you want to talk about?”
Prince: “Just relax for a minute. Earlier when we were talking upstairs I heard you mention things weren’t going so well with your man. You think there’s anything I could help you with that?”
Emily: “Uh…I don’t…wow, I wasn’t really expecting you to have that type of question, Mr. Prince.”
Prince gets all up in her personal space and starts touching her hands without permission.
Prince: “Well I was just wondering, what’s the problem, he’s not – ”
Prince starts kissing her shoulder.
Emily: “WOW well I think this is a little bit inappropriate for our conversation today. Mr. Prince YOUR HAND IS ON MY BLOUSE. I mean this is just really inappropriate.”
Prince: “Shh, shh, let’s just relax, let’s just chill. Let’s talk about it, you seem so tense.”
First of all, don’t shush adults. It’s barely appropriate in the library with card-carrying librarians, definitely don’t do it to your real estate agent. Second, she’s probably tense because you’re being wildly inappropriate and engaging her physically without permission.
Emily protests that they can’t be doing or saying any of this. Prince asks when the last time her boyfriend fucked her. Emily dithers and admits it’s been a while and says again they shouldn’t be talking about any of this. Prince takes the clipboard, tosses it to the ground, pulls her in for an embrace, and then smacks her ass. She offers up several more explicit protests, and then…
Emily: “Oh man, that does feel super good.”
Porn. Teaching terrible, terrible ideas about consent since 1962.
He holds her hair and pins her against the wall and repeatedly smacks her ass until it turns red and she’s really, really into it because this is porn. She blows him for a bit, and then freaks out because Charlie walks in.
Emily: “Oh my god, your friend!”
Prince: “Oh no no, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it, don’t worry about it.”
Emily: “What do you mean?”
Prince: “It’s my guy, it’s all good.”
Emily: “Oh my god!”
Prince: “Baby, baby, just relax, we do this all the time.”
Emily: “Oh my gosh, your friend is pulling his penis out!”
I’ve noticed that 90%+ of Emily’s dialogue is just describing whatever is currently happening, and to that I say:
Emily protests because she’s never had two guys before, but the dudes shush her AGAIN and Charlie breaks off any further objections by wedging his dick into her mouth. Things progress. They both spend a little too much time simultaneously slurping on her ears:
I don’t think that has an official name, so let’s call that position…surround sound.
That’s about it. They fuck her in a variety of positions and things end the way they normally do.
Overall? This was shit. Super rapey, not terribly interesting, a lot of awful improvisation, and they didn’t really do much with the real estate concept. Why not have her say “Mr. Prince, this is an open house, someone could walk in any minute!” or “I think the homeowner has security cameras!” or “This against our code of conduct!”
Kissing: Yes