We open on Kendra Lynn wandering around a palatial mansion, and immediately get her voiceover:

Kendra (V.O.): “I wish I could tell you that I came from a good family, one with a father and mother and all that. That there was someone who cared when I ran away, but I’d be lying to you. I never knew my parents. My first memories are foster homes, adoption agencies, and church groups. My early life was like being trapped in a pinball machine: everything went by so fast, spinning, bouncing around, never stable, never ending.”

I like being trapped in a pinball machine, that’s an excellent metaphor. We now see Kendra wandering along with a backpack and a suitcase. 

Kendra (V.O.): “One day my Uncle Tom came and pulled me out of the foster home. They told me he’d been out of the country for years and hadn’t heard his sister died. They told me he’d take care of everything. He didn’t. When I turned 18, I found out he wasn’t even my uncle, just an old friend of my parents. He made me cook, clean, and do dishes. I was his personal slave from the time I turned 11 until the time I turned 18.”

O….kay. I don’t like that at all. That sounds like Uncle Tom is a bit of a creep, to be honest. 

Kendra (V.O.): “He was passed out drunk at 3 in the afternoon one day so I went through his stuff and found a letter. It said I owned a mansion. It said that my parents’ best friend was a millionaire who contracted a rare liver disease and died. He left everything he had to them, and in turn, their next of kin. The house had been sitting there for years, untouched. I didn’t even tell my uncle that I was leaving. It took me almost 3 days to get there from Kentucky.”

So Kendra arrives at the front gate of her mansion and just waltzes right in, I guess. No need to bother with all that pesky paperwork of claiming real property as your parents’ heir to legally assume control of the house. 

Kendra notes that weird stuff started happening. Things moving around, a man walking through the corridors, weird shit like that.  In a nice visual effect, we see a semi-transparent man walking around the house in a onesie.

He sits down at the piano and plays a few notes. Kendra walks into frame and leans against the piano, but doesn’t seem to notice the ghost or the fact that he’s audibly playing the piano. Instead she takes off her top, drops it on the piano, says “Good night, Henry” and sashays out of the room. 

Downstairs, she strips down for bed and talks to Henry some more. Kendra has also started having crazy sexual dreams. She asks Henry if he’d like to watch her masturbate and starts touching herself without even waiting for a response. I’m starting to think she’s developing an unhealthy attachment with a ghost. 

Kendra (V.O.): “Then, at the peak of my performance, just as I was going over the brink and cumming my brains out, he appeared. I thought I was going out of my mind.”

Henry (John West) appears and asks if she needs his cock. She confirms she does and clamps down on it like an anaconda. 

Kendra (V.O.): “I know it sounds crazy, but I did! You had to have been there! I was so scared and excited and turned on, and couldn’t believe I was about to fuck a spirit.”

So she fucks the spirit and that’s about it. 

That is probably the weirdest introduction to a porno I’ve ever seen. Layers upon layers of painstakingly specific yet completely irrelevant details. She’s an orphan, she’s adopted slash kidnapped by a creepy fake uncle, she finds out she’s been willed a mansion, and now the mansion is apparently inhabited by a ghost that can assume corporeal form and fuck her. 

And, once ‘Henry’ does materialize, there’s nothing about his ghostliness that matters at all. It’s a completely generic, vanilla sex scene. Why would you do this? What fetish are you trying to appeal to? 

I could get, maybe, that some people like the idea of getting fucked by a ghost in a haunted mansion. Little weird but I’m not here to kinkshame. Here’s how you set that up:

Kendra (V.O.): “I’m excited but nervous. A few days ago I got the papers in the mail that I actually own a mansion which was left by my grandfather in his will. I’ve never owned a house before. I’ve heard from some people that they think the house is haunted by an old resident who lived there long ago.”

Boom. Girl, mansion, haunted, sex. It’s not that fucking hard. 

Kissing: No

Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:

• Fellatio: 2:53
• Cunnilingus: 1:26