This one comes to us from Naughty Little Nymphos #1, the original, released back in 1999. Eventually, I think this site will just be comprised of reviewing every single scene from NLN #1 through #21. It really is the series that keeps on giving. Thanks, Jim Powers.
We open with a handwritten title card, which I appreciate, but despite the title, this flick will have no resemblance to the 1982 film, “The Slumber Party Massacre“, which I don’t appreciate.
We cut to an entryway where someone rings the doorbell. Vivian Valentine answers the door, and welcomes her friend, Candy Apples, which is a great porn name.
Candy: “Sorry I’m late, I had to stop and get some movies for us to watch.”
Vivian: “Well it’s about time you got here what movies did you get?”
Candy: “Porno movies!”
Vivian: “Candy you know my dad would shit if he knew I watched those!”
Candy helpfully exposits that it’s no big deal since Vivian’s parents will be gone all weekend. We cut forward to the girls sitting on the couch eating popcorn and watching porn together, you know, just a couple of gal pals palling around watching porn, the way we all know they do.
Then the phone rings so Vivian goes to answer it.
Vivian: “Hello?”
Voice: “Hello?”
Vivian: “Yes?”
Voice: “Who is this?”
Vivian: “Well who were you trying to call?”
Voice: “What number is this?”
Vivian: “Well what number were you trying to call?”
Voice: “I don’t know.”
Vivian: “Well, I think you have the wrong number.”
Voice: “Do I?”
Vivian: “It happens. Take it easy.”
Cool as a cucumber. Vivian hangs up and heads back in for the porn and popcorn, but almost immediately the phone rings again.
It’s the same creepy male voice again, apologizing for calling the wrong number. Vivian says it’s not a big deal and is about to hang up, but the Voice tells her he wants to talk to her. Vivian suggests he try a 900 number and hangs up. You know, I’m really liking this Vivian character. Very no-nonsense.
Vivian stops at the fridge and calls to the living room to inquire if Candy wants a soda, but there’s no response. Vivian goes to the living room, but Candy has vanished! Then the phone rings again.
They chat some more about movies and popcorn and let’s cut to the chase: they’re basically doing the opening scene from the movie Scream, more or less word-for-word, except they’re talking about dirty movies instead of horror movies. In fairness, that’s an intriguing premise for a porno. Take the opening scene of a legendary horror movie, change basically nothing, and hope you don’t get sued!
Spooky music plays as Vivian wanders around locking doors and yelling Candy’s name. Eventually the voice calls back and tells her to turn on the patio lights, revealing Candy – who’s naked and tied to a chair! We get a bunch of quick zooms in and out on Candy’s face while there’s a bunch of high-pitched violin screeches that are probably legally different from the movie Psycho.
Voice: “I want to play a game with you. Turn off the light, you’ll see what kind of game. Just do it, you little cunt! Here’s how we play: I ask a question, and you answer it. If you get it right, I give you your friend back. If you don’t, I don’t give her back. The game is called Porno Trivia. Ready? Question: who has the biggest cock in porno?”
Vivian: “Um…Rocco?”
Voice: “WRONG! Everyone knows John Holmes is the biggest cock in porno. Your friend just lost, but that’s okay, because you made it to the bonus round. Take a look outside!”
That is fair, Vivian really muffed an obvious layup on that one. Vivian takes a look outside and sees something that is, in fact, pretty terrible:
Obligingly, she screams, and her scream technique is not strong. Also, you can clearly see some of the crew in the reflection in the window:
So not-legally-Ghostface chases her inside and she ‘trips’ and crawls away under the table. However, she’s quickly intrigued by him stroking his flaccid penis, and the allure of the cock is much too strong, so she crawls over and wedges it in her mouth. As she valiantly works to try and help this dipshit achieve an erection, I figured, hey, we’re nine minutes and change into a 20-minute scene, and it certainly felt like they were going to have mediocre sex and that would be about it. But instead…Candy comes storming in, tearing the duct tape off her mouth. She’s acquired a strap-on dildo from somewhere, and she is not happy.
Candy: “What the fuck – it was YOU, you son of a bitch! You know what, you know what I do to people like you?! Come here! Bend your ass over NOW!”
She grabs him and throws him down to all fours, spits on his ass, and shoves a dildo about four and a half inches into his poop chute:
Holy fucking shit!
Not-legally-Ghostface groans in pain like a dying water buffalo – spit is not an effective anal lubricant – but Candy is having none of it.
Candy: “SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I’LL GET A BIGGER ONE, YOU FUCK! YOU THINK YOU CAN TIE ME UP? YEAH, FUCK YOU!”
Vivian can recognize a good idea when she sees one and grabs one of the other, larger dildos. The two girls work not-legally-Ghostface’s ass without mercy while screaming abuse at him. Eventually, though, they grow weary of sodomizing their attempted murderer and turn their attention to each other. Candy fucks Vivian with her strap-on, and they seem to have a very good time, while not-legally-Ghostface sits in the corner and jerks off limply like the little bitch that he is.
Eventually things end the way they normally do in lesbian porn: without even a real attempt to fake an orgasm. Candy kicks the guy out of the back door and slams it shut.
Candy: “The nerve of that fucking guy! First he ties me up, scares the crap out of you, and then he can’t even fuck us right! C’mon, let’s go watch another video.”
That does make me wonder, though: was it originally in their plans to not have the dude fuck them? Vivian was putting in a pretty solid effort at sucking the dude’s dick, and it’s not outside the realm of possibility he just couldn’t get it up. That feels like a fitting punishment as well: if the male talent can’t get hard, just switch it up to a femdom scene and make the female stars wear out his ass with increasingly large unlubed dildos. We never see this dude’s face, but from the IAFD information I’m fairly certain it’s Hunk Hollywood, also because his porno career largely consists of being fucked in the ass by women with strap-ons in titles like “Bitch Boys” and “Women On Top”, so I’m guessing this was the plan all along.
Overall, though, I liked this. It’s rare to see a porno with a strong moral message, and that message is, if you’re a dick to women, you may get your asshole rearranged. That’s about as much as we could hope for.
Kissing: No