We open on Lily Lust and Jack Vegas (holding a clipboard) sitting on a couch in a basic-ass living room with a very noticeable piece of IKEA artwork on the wall:
Jack: “You’re from Alaska?”
Lily: “Yes.”
Jack: Eskimo, is that what you’re – ”
Lily: “Yes.”
Credit where it’s due: Lily is ethnically Native American and was born in Alaska.
Jack: “That’s great. Don’t see too many Eskimos here in southern California.”
This being the biz, you would expect Jack to make a joke about there being an awful lot of Eskimo brothers, but he doesn’t, because porn lacks creativity. Instead, we are forced to suffer through a great deal of terrible, terrible improvisation.
Jack: “Apparently the problem is…what, you had an issue up in Canada, crossing through Canada?”
Lily: “Yeah.”
Jack: “All right, yeah, cause, their rules are a little different than ours here in the States, and it looks like right here, uh, once again, this is where Dr. Hunter screwed up. Um, see, right here, it’s supposed to be filled out, um, you know, that you are Native born, you’re passing through Canada, and, and, it looks like he had you just listed as an immigrant. And which is no good. And so unfortunately, there’s not too much that I can do, uh, to help you out with this situation. And by that I mean I can’t approve…”
Lily: “So… I have to leave?”
Jack: “Um, you’ll have to straighten this out. You’ll have to go back, um, go back to Canada apparently, where you’ll have to…uh…yeah, it’s just a simple formality, really, uh, it happens all the time…”
Lily: “Yeah, but I can’t do that, I have to stay here.”
Okay. Let’s pause this. According to the internal logic set up in this porno, Lily was born in ALASKA. She’s a GODDAMN AMERICAN CITIZEN. She is currently in MOTHERFUCKING CALIFORNIA. It doesn’t matter if some dumb-fuck accidentally put down the wrong thing on the form, there is no possible combination of circumstances where she would be forced to leave her own fucking country in order to resolve some stupid bullshit fake immigration situation.
On top of this…why the fuck would you make this the plot of your porno? If you want to have this plotline, why not just pretend she’s First Nations from fucking Canada who came to the United States? It costs you nothing and boom, you have a ‘I need to fuck this Immigrations and Customs Enforcement officer to stay in the country’ plotline, which, spoiler alert, is where this dumpster fire is heading.
Lily: “But…I didn’t do anything, I have a life here, I have to stay here.”
Jack: “I understand, uh, er, this is not the first time this has happened, it should be able to be fixed in, probably in, maybe as little as ninety days, maybe as, maybe as long as a year, I mean, it can be fixed, it’s a temporary thing, I’m sorry.”
Lily: “But I can lose my job!”
Jack, like most bureaucrats, is completely unhelpful. They both (poorly) improvise on this for a couple minutes. Jack manages to exposit that it’s unusual for his secretary to give out his info on a weekend, which I guess is supposed to explain why they’re inside someone’s living room instead of a government office. Eventually, after multiple attempts, Lily decides to get a little more blunt:
Lily: “So you’re sure that I can’t do anything?”
Jack: “Ummm…..”
Lily: “That could help me out?”
Jack: “Yeah, I’m sure there’s not too much I could do, um.”
Lily starts rubbing his dick.
Jack: “I see where you’re going with this, Hunter, and…”
NO. Hunter’s the fucking doctor, not this poor Native American! What the fuck!
Jack offers up a few more weak protests about the fact that his wife will be arriving soon and it’s really not a good idea to make exceptions to immigration policy for sexual favors, but Lily has a pretty solid rejoinder:
Lily: “I suck really good dick.”
So they fuck in a variety of positions and things end the way they normally do. Lily asks if she can stay, Jack confirms she can, and they share a kiss. It’s almost kind’ve cute, in a very exploitative way.
Kissing: Yes
Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:
- Fellatio: 3:38
- Cunnilingus: 2:22