I’ve always been a little surprised by the relative lack of firefighter porn. We sexualize the fuck out of them, there’s a thriving market for sexy firefighter calendars, but comparatively, cop porn is four times as popular. There’s probably something to do with the fact that cops can murder you, while firemen can only save your life. 

One such scene comes from Young Stuff 6, which came out back in 2002. We open on Brandi Lyons walking down the street and coming up to the entrance of what is definitely probably not a fire station, but they do have an actual fire truck! She’s greeted by Dillon Day:

Brandi: “Hello, is anyone here?”
Dillon: “Can I help you?”
Brandi: “My boss had me come by and bring you some donuts since it was American Hero Day.”
Dillon: “I’m not a cop, I really don’t eat donuts…”

Shots fired!

Dillon suggests maybe there’s “something else” she could give them. They walk inside and he closes the garage bay doors. 

Dillon: “Sorry about that, had to close the door, we’re really not supposed to have civilians in here.”
Brandi: “Well, where’s the other guys?”
Dillon: “It’s just me, they’re out on a call, I’m taking care of things here. If you wanted to help out the cause, I could probably think of a few things. It kinda gets lonely in here…being a fireman, risking your life all the time…could use some female persuasion. I’m not big on donuts, but I’m sure there’s some other things you could do for me.
Brandi: “Like what?
Dillon: “I could use some head.”
Brandi: “Give you head?”
Dillon: “Yeah, what with all this terrorist bullshit going on, life could end tomorrow! Why not cut to the chase?”

You know, as dumb as most porn logic is, you have to hand it to them: being a firefighter in the immediate aftermath of 9/11, this would almost certainly work. And sure enough, Brandi immediately drops to her knees.

Overall, not terribly interesting, but I am quite impressed that they were able to source a firetruck for this scene. If I had to guess, I’m say this firetruck is at the shop and a guy knew a guy and let them sneak in and fuck on it. 

Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:

• Fellatio: 3:35
• Cunnilingus: 0:00

In a slightly more recent episode, we open on Madison Summers cooking a cheeseburger in a pan that is absolutely swimming with grease. For reasons that are unclear, she flips the cheeseburger over so that the cheese is now…on the bottom? What the fuck is this bullshit? 

At any rate, some grease spills out, and starts a fairly convincing-looking grease fire. 

Madison: “Oh my god! Fuck! Oh my god, I need to call 911. 911 my house is on fire! My house is on fire!”

We cut outside and Rob Piper and Lee Bone are jogging up in two of the best firefighter costumes they had at Halloween Adventure. Madison greets them.

Madison: “Guys, hurry, my house is on fire! The whole house!”

Okay. You need to calm down. 

The firefighters come in, and Rob sensibly pours some baking soda on the fire, extinguishing it. After learning that was the extent of the “whole house” being on fire, they are…not pleased. 

Rob: “Ma’am. It just was a grease fire. You should not have to call the fire department for a grease fire”
Lee: “Yeah, you know, every time you call us out, you waste taxpayers thousands of dollars.”
Madison: “I’m sorry, I was just freaking out, my dad just got me this place.”
Lee: “This was an expensive overreaction.” 
Rob: “Very expensive.”
Madison: “I’m really sorry. I know you guys were like, really excited to come out here with your big hoses and put out a fire. I feel so bad.”
Lee: “Well, fire is out.”
Madison: “Maybe I could…make it up to you guys?”

She starts rubbing their crotches most suggestively.

Madison: “Why don’t you come over here and I’ll show you a real fire you can put out.”

That…does not make any fucking sense. 

Anyway. They fuck in a variety of positions and things end the way they normally do. Credit where it’s due: a decent number of viewers now know you can use baking soda to put out a grease fire. That may or may not be counterbalanced by viewers being worried about calling 911 in the case of a fire because the firefighters will be pissy and then you’ll have to fuck them, but you take the bad with the good. 

Kissing: Yes