Mormons: Polygamy And The Snows

As you’re likely aware, Stupid Porn Plots has previously explored the delightful world of Mormon pornography, from Sister Hardy’s lesbian experimentation phase until she hooked up with her gay-for-pay boyfriend Elder Kensington, to the all-too-real practice of soaking and jump humping. One area we have overlooked is the practice of polygamy, a topic that is perfect for pornography, as more than one Brilliant Reader has reminded me. 

So today we’ll be talking about The Snows. Honestly, there’s not much of an ongoing narrative throughout these episodes, but let’s see what we can learn. 

Part One – A Hot MILF Fucks Her Sister Wife

We open on a jacuzzi, where Emma Snow (Holly Heart) and Sarah Snow (Paris Lincoln) are chilling out in their magical Mormon underwear with their feet in the water:

Emma: “You know, Sarah, I’m so glad you’re part of our family now. You’ve just made everything so much better.” 
Sarah: “Thank you, that means so much to me.”
Emma: “I really mean it. You’ve just brought so much joy into our household. And, I dunno, I love you so much. I just feel so blessed to have you part of our household.” 
Sarah: “Yeah, he’s so lucky to have wives like us.”

We’ll learn later that Emma is the Head Wife aka the first wife that Mr. Snow married, so she has seniority. I’m guessing we’re supposed to conclude that Sarah has just recently joined the harem. 

Emma: “Look at you! You’re beautiful, smart, and young…you could bear many children!”

Really hitting at the core of what a Mormon woman’s value is in the eyes of the church. Birthing those babies. 

Sarah says she hopes she will please her husband, and Emma splashes her with a bit of water. The magical Mormon underwear immediately turns translucent. You know, I’m starting to think that Joseph Smith was really on to something here. What’s better than underwear that can so easily turn into a wet t-shirt contest?

Emma says again that she’s beautiful, and then without so much as a by-your-leave starts massaging Sarah’s titties, which I don’t appreciate. I mean, not without asking permission. Lesbian titty massage over magical Mormon underwear is fantastic, just get consent, for fuck’s sake. 

Emma starts stripping off Sarah’s clothes, and we get this:

Sarah: “Are we allowed to bathe without them?”
Emma: “Well, yeah.”

So…has Sarah been bathing WITH her magical Mormon underwear for her entire life? What the fuck. 

Emma: “You know, being that I’m the head wife and all, I should help you learn and explore and…not be afraid of your sexuality.” 

Emma starts licking Sarah’s nipples. Sarah wonders if their husband will be mad, but Emma reassures her that nobody needs to know. Fair enough, but I’ll also grant that even conservative Mormon men are probably not going to be bent out of shape about their sister-wives hooking up in the jacuzzi…although they may be upset they didn’t get to watch.

The sister-wives hook up. We learn that Sarah ‘gets’ Mr. Snow one night a week, which seems like an unfair arrangement between sister-wives. Outside of that, not much happens, except Emma does a lot of dirty talking, which breaks the illusion a bit. I know some Mormons, and they don’t use the word cunt a lot. 

Part Two – Husband And Wife Have Sex In The Temple

Brandon Snow asks his wife to enter, and Emma does, clad in a lot of white lacy clothes, along with a green apron, for some reason. They kiss, and Brandon slowly undresses her, even taking off her magical Mormon underwear. Once she’s fully nude, he drapes her in a shawl.

Brandon: “Sister Snow, I’m going to perform your washing.”

So this is another of those washing / anointing ceremonies that we previously saw with Sister Hardy. These ceremonies (which are always same-sex in real life) are kind of a big deal in the Mormon faith, so I’m guessing plenty of Mormons have elaborate fantasies where they get to be washed by someone they’re actually attracted to, instead of a crotchety old priest. 

Once the ceremony is over they undress Brandon and then they fuck. It’s not terribly interesting. 

Part Three – Mormon Man Makes The Most Out Of Polygamy 

Emma and Brandon are making out in their bedroom. Emma talks about how happy she is that they get to spend the evening together and asks about his day at the office. She pretty aggressively pulls open Brandon’s pants, pushes him down on the bed, and straddles him. You know, I’m starting to get the sense that Emma may wear the pants in the family in more ways than just being the Head Wife.

Emma starts blowing him, and everything is going great until there’s a knock at the door. A bit exasperated, Emma takes the dick out of her mouth.

Emma: “Come in!”

Bold move. They didn’t even bother pulling up the covers. 

Sarah comes in, and she’s a little bashful, even embarrassed to see her husband in a state of undress with the Head sister-wife.

Emma: “What is it?”
Sarah: “I know it’s not my night, but I’ve been having nightmares. Am I interrupting?”

C’mon, Sarah. Obviously you’re interrupting. What the fuck? 

Emma is annoyed, and looks at Brandon.

Brandon: “It’s up to you.”

Yeah. Brandon is definitely not the alpha in this situation. 

Emma asks if she wants to join them, Sarah sorta agrees, and Emma pushes her head down onto Brandon’s dick. A polygamist Mormon sister-wife threesome ensues. As polygamist Mormon sister-wife threesomes go, it’s pretty solid. Emma directs traffic for most of it, as befits her Head Wife station. Eventually things end the way they normally do. 

Part Four – Two Sister Wives Learn About Oral Sex

Promising title! We open up with Brandon Snow sitting on the edge of the bed alongside Sarah Snow, with two new sister-wives sitting obediently on the floor, where they goddamned belong

The redhead on the left is Julie Snow, aka Abbey Rain, and glasses on the right is Alma Snow, aka Ivy Mokhov

Brandon: “Girls, I’ve brought you here today to have Sarah show you something I like. No need to be nervous.”
Sarah: “Of course not. I want to teach you how to please him.”

Sarah has the two freshmen take off some of their clothing. They do so, with a lot of awkward giggling, which seems accurate for newly married sister-wives. Brandon drops his pants and his magical Mormon underwear, which seems like a wasted opportunity – why not have the newbies do that – revealing a fairly flaccid cock.

Sarah: “I want you to put it in your mouth.”
Julie: (giggling) “It’s not hard.”
Sarah: “You can practise with my foot.”

OH CHRIST. Now, I know that for the Tarantinos in the audience, watching two sister-wives perform a bastardized synaloepha on Sarah’s foot is the hottest thing ever, but this is fucking disgusting. We don’t like to kink-shame here at Stupid Porn Plots, but feet are gross. 

After three minutes of them sucking on Sarah’s foot, Brandon has an erection, so Julie and Alma move on to sucking his dick. They even achieve a proper synaloepha

That’s about it, and honestly, aside from the foot stuff, this episode was excellent, in both plot and porn. It’s hard to go wrong with a polygamist Mormon sister-wife instructional blowjob foursome.

Part Five – Mormon Man Fucks Two Of His Wives At Once

Brandon and Sarah are outside on the patio relaxing. 

Sarah: “How was your day today?”
Brandon: “Good.”
Sarah: “Did you go to the church baseball event?”
Brandon: “Yeah, for a little while.”
Sarah: “Nice. You’re dressed so casual, it’s nice. Seeing you outside of your…tie.”

Here’s the thing: porn isn’t reality, but the geniuses behind MormonGirlz know the Mormon lifestyle and depict it fairly accurately. At this point, I have to accept that Mormon sister-wives go moist at seeing their husband in a polo shirt. 

Sarah and Brandon exchange a few more pleasantries and begin making out. 

Sarah: “I love having you all to myself.”
Brandon: “Hopefully we’re not interrupted.”

File that one under ‘obvious foreshadowing’. Things progress, he’s touching her tits, she’s rubbing his thigh, I’m distracted by the incredibly loud background sound of cars driving down the freeway, and then someone clears their throat. 

Emma: “Sorry to interrupt you two, but I just wanted to talk to you about a couple of things, being Head Wife and all. I’m just a little concerned about the scheduling for next week, so we need to go discuss that at some point today. But I see I’m interrupting something. Am I interrupting something, sweetie?”
Brandon: “No.”
Emma: “I’m so sorry to interrupt your day, but I’m sure you won’t mind if I join in?I mean, after all, you were having nightmares last night.”

I fucking knew it! Sarah interrupted Emma’s alone time with Brandon, so now Emma is returning the favor. The Head Wife is asserting dominance!  

Everyone begins aggressively making out and they summit Fuck Mountain.

That’s about it for part one. One big happy family. But is there trouble brewing in paradise? Find out next week!

Kissing: Yes

Part Two

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