We open on Robert Whaad standing in someone’s back yard in Florida. From the very, very loud background noise, we can surmise that we’re only a few blocks away from the highway.
Robert: “Next up is Smokie. I really hope she’s not an amateur.”
Smokie Flame (which is a great porn name) wanders into frame in street garb and they shake hands and introduce themselves.
Smokie: “I’m here to try out.”
Robert: “Yes, yes. Do you got your outfit with you?”
Smokie: “No, I really don’t have one, I was hoping maybe you had one.”
Robert: “Argh, these girls today. Yeah, you’re lucky I brought an extra one.”
Smokie: “Oh, goody!”
Robert hands her the outfit and tells her to go inside and change. He then turns to the camera and bitches about how some of these cheerleaders just don’t arrive prepared. I notice he’s wearing a Denver Broncos hat, shout out to the Broncos who I guess sponsored this porno.
Smokie comes back presently.
Smokie: “I noticed there were no panties, though.”
Robert: “Oh, I’m sorry, I must have forgot to put those in the bag this morning. That’s okay, we can do the audition without them.”
Smokie: “I didn’t realize this was gonna be filmed.”
Robert: “Oh no, that’s okay, it’s standard practice, we refer back to them for the cheerleading committee.”
Smokie: “Well…like, he’s not going to get any shots if I do a cartwheel or something?”
Robert: “No, no, we’ll make sure all that is edited out.”
I get that for the official cheerleading events you want color-matching panties, but why couldn’t Smokie just leave her own panties on? Are you telling me that Smokie went to a cheerleading tryouts and was freeballing? She went clamando? What the fuck?
Robert tells her to show off her movies so Smokie raises the pom-poms and gives a very half-hearted “Go, team, go!” Robert is reasonably unimpressed and asks if she can do a cartwheel, Smokie says she can but it’s kinda sloppy, and it is:
He then asks her to do a back bend, which Smokie can in fact do, and Robert instantly lifts her skirt to peek at her snatch.
Smokie yells “Hey!” at this violation, but then immediately forgets about it. Robert asks her to do a cheer, and Smoke does a very terrible “Go Cougars Go!” while a dog barks in the background. She does another back bend and Robert lifts her skirt a second time. This guy doesn’t seem very ethical. It’s starting to make sense why he’s a cheerleader coach.
Robert: “So, well…I hate to tell you this, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, you’re definitely not on the top of the list of the girls I’ve seen today.”
Smokie: “Aww, I really really want to make the squad, I’ll do anything.”
Robert suggests they go inside and do the ‘oral presentation’ part, whatever that means. They poorly improvise on the next steps, Robert suggests she might be able to make alternative, Smokie is hesitant, they both agree that each other is cute, there’s some awkward physical contact, Smokie is bashful about being filmed, the dialogue is idiotic and makes no sense, and it all goes on for way too fucking long.
Finally they go inside, Robert gets her a water and a scrunchie and asks her to put her hair up.
Robert: “So about the tryouts, you weren’t very good today, what are you willing to do to get on the team?”
Smokie: “I don’t know.”
Robert: “Well how bad do you want it? Because I could definitely use a couple good-looking extra girls off on the side whenever my other girls are down on their knees.”
Uh…what? Is that a euphemism? Smokie will be a hype man off to the side while another cheerleader is blowing the coach?
As he’s talking, he keeps pulling up Smokie’s skirt and she’s coquettishly pushing his hands away, but eventually she gives in and he goes down on her, and they fuck. He’s pretty shitty about it, too, saying things like “This is definitely a better presentation than you put on outside” while she’s blowing him. Like, we’ve well established she’s a shitty cheerleader, you’re just asking to get your dick chomped at this point.
Eventually he pops all over Smokie’s face.
Smokie: “So, do I get a spot on the alternatives?”
Robert: “Yeah, for next year’s team.”
Smokie: “What?!”
Robert: “Yeah, didn’t I – I forgot to tell you that? It’s for next year’s spot.”
Smokie: “You fucking dick.”
Couldn’t agree more.
Kissing: Yes
Oral Sex Reciprocity Scale:
Fellatio: 6:34
Cunnilingus: 0:00