According to the highly unscientific profession data I pulled from the Internet Adult Film Database, police is the 16th-most popular profession in porn, which probably has something to do with the happy confluence with the cops being in the position to detain, exploit, blackmail, or murder you with little to no consequences, and porn’s love of nonconsensual sex.
Today’s scene – the unpleasantly titled, “Black Suspect Taken on A Rough Ride, Gets Horny MILF Cops Wet and Fucking on Stolen Goods” – comes from Black Patrol. The premise is simple: a couple horny female cops – typically Maggie Green and Joslyn Jane, who have done THIRTY scenes together for Black Patrol, along with an endless supply of enormous anonymous black schlongs – bust someone and make him fuck them. At first I wondered why they always arrest black men, and then I remembered racial profiling. It makes perfect sense.
We open on Maggie Green in uniform explaining that they got a call about suspicious activity in “this truck over here”. We see a couple black guys at the back of a U-Haul and one of them turns and starts sprinting away. They shout for backup. Maggie orders the other guy – credited as Unknown Male 512894-B – out of the Uhaul and starts patting him down.
Maggie: “Do you have any weapons on you? Anything that might poke, pinch, prick, or stick me?”
Unknown Male 512894-B: “I’m just helping my friend move.”
Maggie: “Your friend move? The one who ran away? Your friend who has a bunch of fucking video cameras and shit in there?”
I should probably note that everyone – cops and suspects – are just doing an impersonation of the TV show COPS and they are all fucking crushing it.
Maggie hustles him over to the cop car and aggressively questions him about his box full of phone cases. He protests that he just was helping his friend move and knows nothing about anything. A couple more cops show up – Kenny Cox, who, fun fact, has been in 3 gay pornos and 12 pornos in non-sex acting roles – and the aforementioned Joslyn Jane.
Kenny: “You having a problem here sir?”
Maggie: “I came up on him, his buddy ran off, and I’m pretty sure they’re selling stolen goods out of this truck over here.”
Kenny: “Your friend just ran? What’s his name?”
Unknown Male 512894-B hesitates for a second.
Maggie: “ANSWER THE MOTHERFUCKING QUESTION.”
Goddamn. She’s got this cop shtick down cold.
Kenny: “It’s better if you tell us now – just come clean.”
NO IT’S NOT NEVER TALK TO THE POLICE WITHOUT YOUR ATTORNEY. CONSULT THE BELOW VENN DIAGRAM:
He continues protesting his innocence, and after a minute or two Joslyn comes back over after being on the radio.
Maggie: “What’d you find out?”
Joslyn: “Car’s been stolen, and the goods were reported stolen last week.”
Maggie: “Ohhhhh, so you’re ‘innocent’.”
They hustle him over to the back of the U-haul and handcuff him. I should note that Unknown Male 512894-B is COMPLETELY MOTIONLESS.
Kenny: “Stop fucking resisting!”
Again: This tracks. Commit to the fucking bit.
The ladies dismiss Kenny and say there’s some ‘paperwork’ he can do, and he leaves. Maggie makes the suspect get in the back of the U-Haul [!], then gets in herself and starts closing the door [!!].
We cut forward. Joslyn has apparently driven the U-Haul to a secluded area. That’s not good. Never go to a second location.
Maggie: “Ready to do whatever we say?”
Joslyn: “Do we have a problem here? Do we have to take you to jail?”
Unknown Male 512894-B: “No, please don’t do that, I don’t want to go back to jail.”
Joslyn gets him up and starts unbuckling his belt.
Joslyn: “Wonder what we have here? A nice big black cock?”
Maggie: “Better be. Or we’ll just take him to jail if we don’t like what we see.”
Jesus! So if he’s not packing heat, they’re not going to rape him?
Fortunately – or unfortunately, depending on your perspective – he’s packing, so Joslyn drops to her knees and crams his semi-hard dick into her mouth.
Maggie: “You better get fucking hard!”
I think the only thing more stressful than being on a porn set and trying to get hard in front of a film crew is with some cops who might straight up murder you. But he does and they blow him for a bit. At some point the camera operator (who is also a cop, uncredited on IAFD, but I believe it is Nina Lopez) says she wants some of that suspect dick so Maggie takes the camera and tags her in while Joslyn holds the back of her neck and makes her gag on it while yelling things like “You can take it, rookie!”. So this isn’t just a reckless abuse of police power, there’s also a hazing aspect of their rookie cops.
Eventually they put down a furniture pad and Maggie and Joslyn take turns fucking him while the other cop verbally abuses him. I really appreciate the time they took to put tape over the Lowe’s / U-Haul icons on each of the cardboard boxes:
I also appreciate that they are very, very obviously in the back of a U-Haul which the production obviously rented to film this porno. I did Tweet at U-Haul asking if it’s within their guidelines to shoot pornos in the back of their truck rentals, but I didn’t get a response:
Anyway. Things proceed as they normally do, he blows a load into Maggie’s mouth, she snowballs half of it into Joslyn’s, they swallow.
Maggie: “All right, we’re done with you, get the fuck out of here. Get dressed and go!”
Unknown Male 512894-B: “What about my truck?”
Maggie: “Fuck you, get out of here! Motherfucker.”
So, setting aside the moral, social, and legal aspects of a couple of cops raping a suspect, this was pretty solid. Good production on the uniforms, strict adherence to the first two Commandments, excellent and unique setting in the back of a U-Haul, and both cops never stopped being bitchy assholes through. Way to commit to the bit.
Kissing: No.