A few months back I wrote a post about Mormons and jump humping that was fairly well-received, although to date, the porn industry has not taken me up on using my script. The bastards.
I’ve had a couple emails requesting more Mormon porn reviews, specifically involving Sister Hardy, and I am nothing but a whore for my audience. As it happens, Sister Hardy did a total of 12 scenes for the fine folks over at MormonGirlz.com (<- NSFW) and – defying most of the rules that surround pornography – there’s even sort’ve a narrative thread throughout them.
One thing I do enjoy is that each scene starts with a woman in magical Mormon underwear sensually playing with her left nipple, functioning as a title card. They know where their bread is buttered.
Part One – Sister Hardy Enjoys A Sexy Moment Alone
Sister Hardy is chilling out reading a book when she notices her companion’s magical Mormon undergarments lying on the bed. I notice at once Sister Hardy has had a dimple piercing which she obviously took out to film these scenes because dimple piercings are absolutely not kosher for Mormon dress codes. She picks the garments up, sniffs deeply, and we immediately cut to a very artistic black-and-white montage of two women showering together VERY inappropriately.
I should probably mention that the background music is a shitty piano rendition of the Christian hymn “How Great Thou Art” which really takes the scene to a whole new level.
Hardy strips off her own set of magical underwear and puts on her companion’s, and starts masturbating through them. This…kinda makes sense. There’s a couple more montages, so I take from context Sister Hardy is imagining her and her companion scaling Fuck Mountain in the shower. The two lesbians engage in some sensual, slow-motion, ass-rippling spanking. This also tracks. I’m guessing the Venn diagram of Mormon parents and Mormon parents who believe in corporal punishment is a circle.
Remember parents: if you spank your kids, they will become lesbian porn stars and have kinky spanking shower sex purely to spite you.
Anyway. She finishes up and dresses and grabs her Book of Mormon before her companion gets out of the shower.
Part Two – Sister Hardy and Sister Pratt Getting Wet
Sister Pratt (AKA Juliette March) and Sister Hardy climb into the shower with their magical Mormon underwear. Said underwear is both white and thin, and immediately becomes translucent. Those bastards knew what they were doing.
I’ll be honest: Nothing happens, plot-wise. They make out, we get long, porny shots of them groping each other, nipple tweaking, wet-humping, and cunnilingus. As a lengthy Mormon partially clothed lesbian shower scene, it’s perfectly adequate, but there’s not much to discuss here.
Part Three – Sister Hardy and Sister Pratt Finally Get It On!
The ‘finally’ here implies that the previous scene didn’t happen, so maybe the previous scene was just Sister Hardy’s imagination? Let’s go with that.
We open on Sister Pratt and Sister Hardy staring into the mirror and discussing what to do. Apparently, they said they were going to go back and re-visit someone. Pratt muses that “They were weird. I’m glad you were with me.” Okay. One of the few things I know about Mormon missionaries is that you NEVER LEAVE YOUR COMPANION. There’s no way Sister Pratt would be away from Sister Hardy. Although maybe it was just a nice comment.
Sister Hardy complains about having to wear her bra outside her magical Mormon underwear, which led me down another rabbit trail. Suffice to say: some Mormons think the bra has to go OVER the magic underwear, some think the bra can go under, who’s to say, there’s no clear answer in the Scriptures.
Sister Pratt says it looks good and makes some minute adjustments to the bra. This immediately transitions into some sensual boob stroking and Pratt pops the bra loose.
They make out passionately for a bit, then:
Sister Pratt: “I want you to lick my pussy.”
Sister Hardy: “But I don’t know how.”
Sister Pratt: “You’ve never done it before?”
Sister Hardy (shaking her head): “Will you teach me?”
Sister Pratt: “I’ll show you how.”
Sister Pratt lifts Sister Hardy up onto the counter, makes out with her boobs, and then starts licking Sister Hardy’s pussy through the magical underwear. What? Why? Does that add to the fetish?
Sister Hardy confesses that maybe she does have an idea, which, to be fair, licking pussy itself is pretty straightforward, regardless of whether you have true skill at cunnilingus. She strips Sister Pratt down and immediately gets to third base and despite ostensibly being a virgin is apparently quite skilled at the art of muff diving.
Sister Pratt gets off (maybe) and has her turn going down on Sister Hardy, and that’s about it.
Part Four – Sister Hardy Catches Sister Pratt In The Act
We open on Sister Pratt and Sister Hardy finishing their prayer and they both climb into their respective twin beds.
Hot take: there should be more prayer in porn.
Sister Pratt surreptitiously pulls out a red vibrator and starts using it (over her magical garments, of course). Sister Hardy, of course, immediately notices because it’s a fucking vibrator, it’s loud as shit, asks what it is, and gets up to investigate.
Sister Hardy: “What is that?”
Sister Pratt: “Someone gave it to me.”
Sister Hardy: “It vibrates?”
Sister Pratt: “I’m not supposed to have it, please don’t tell anybody.”
Sister Hardy: “Well, maybe if you share.”
Uh…okay. This is immediately followed by Sister Hardy revealing she doesn’t know how to use it, which…okay. I’m starting to get annoyed by the lack of continuity between scenes. I feel like – virginal Mormon teenagers or not – the enthusiasm and experience to which these young woman leapt into action in the previous two scenes implies they probably have at least some idea of what a vibrator is and the stimulation it might have to, say, a clitoris?
Sister Pratt applies the vibrator to Sister Hardy’s – vaginal opening, I think – through the magic underwear while also licking her through the magic underwear. Okay. I’m calling it here. Mormons are really, really into sexualizing their magic underwear. Now that I’ve seen it, it does make perfect sense.
They spend a while using the vibrator and going down on each other but not much else happens.
Part Five – Sister Hardy and Sister Pratt Companionship Inventory
Sister Hardy and Sister Pratt are hanging out on the couch reading books. Sister Pratt’s name badge is blurred out, for some reason. They decide to do ‘companionship inventory’, which is an actual thing that Mormon missionaries do. I imagine the Mormons watching this are just loving it.
Sister Hardy asks about their strengths and weaknesses.
Sister Pratt: “Well, we’ve been doing pretty well, we have a lot of strengths. We’re very comfortable around each other, and, uh, we communicate really well…”
Sister Hardy: “I feel like we do. I feel like one of the things we could work on is – I feel like when we get a little bit naughty sometimes, I feel like we just have a really hard time with like, having, I feel like you’re a little bit selfish in bed.”
Sister Pratt: “What?!”
Sister Hardy: “I mean…like, maybe try doing a little bit more with me, you know.”
Sister Pratt: “You don’t like having sex with me?”
Sister Hardy: “I do, I love it, I absolutely love it, I just feel like maybe you could do a little bit more for me. I feel like I do a lot for you.”
Sister Pratt: “You want me to do more for you?”
Sister Hardy: “Yeah.”
Sister Pratt: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
Holy shit, now they’re modeling mature adults having responsible, honest conversations! They need to be showing – well, showing this in schools is probably a bit much, but if they edited out the fucking, this would be a great instructional video on effective partner communication. Needless to say, this healthy dialogue has put both of them in the mood. They begin making out and Sister Pratt starts flicking Sister Hardy’s bean. They fuck in a variety of positions, and that’s about it.
Part Six – Sister Hardy and Doctor Lisa: Lesbian Teen Teaches A New Investigator
Sister Hardy enters a room with “Dr. Lisa” – AKA Rococo Royalle – sitting on a chair. Sister Hardy asks if Lisa wants to say the opening prayer.
Lisa: “Not really.”
Sister Hardy: “Alrighty. Well, I can do it. Dear Heavenly Father, thank Thee for this day and thank You that we can be here.”
Lisa scoots her chair closer to Sister Hardy.
Sister Hardy: “We’re so thankful to be here and to be able to study Your Gospel, and look for Your son, Jesus Christ, and for His sacrifice. We ask Thee to grant Thy Spirit, so that we can be edified, I ask especially to bless Lisa, that she will be sensitive to the prompting of the Holy Spirit. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.”
I’m digging the build-up, but Lisa just says fuck it and starts making out with Sister Hardy, and lesbian sex ensues. She does NOT have magical Mormon underwear on, much to my dismay:
Also, she has some tattoos, which – not really allowed for missionaries. Although the one on her thigh says “Forgive Me”, so maybe she got that one to ask Jesus for forgiveness for the others?
There is basically no plot in this scene at all, but I did a little digging. Dr. Lisa’s character within the MormonGirlz cinematic universe is an ‘investigator’ – that is, someone who is not a Mormon, but is potentially interested in joining The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and has started attending church, meeting with missionaries, and all that fun stuff. Hence why she is is not wearing magic underwear and has the tattoos and a belly button piercing.
Not much else happens. Sister Hardy eats Lisa out against the dry-erase board which keeps erasing the text on it. The text, by the way, is an accurate representation of the Mormon faith. Got to hand it to these ex-Mormon porn stars, they don’t fuck around when it comes to accuracy.
Things end, Sister Hardy asks Dr. Lisa if she wants to say the closing prayer, and Dr. Lisa says no. I’m kinda getting the impression that Dr. Lisa is less interested in joining the church and more interested in fucking her way through a bunch of sexually liberated Mormon lesbians, but who am I to judge?